The Wait ✔

Failed you

Momina Abdul Majeed

I snuggled into something warm and comfortable. I wrapped my arms around it, placing my head on something, I smiled. I felt something run down my back and had to peel my eyes open to see what it was. I was in someone's embrace, and my head was on his chest. I glanced at his face to see none other than, Murad. His face was swollen, his lip busted, but all the cuts and bruises were bandaged properly. I wonder who did that though!  I looked down at his arms wrapped around my tiny torso, protectively, and tried to wriggle free but just ended up tightening myself in them.

"Aliya..." Came his voice. I felt my body go tense and my eyes shot to his face. His eyes were closed and he was sleeping. He called her in his sleep! Did she do all the bandages and ointment for him? Did he see her yesterday? Maybe he was holding her in his arms in whatever he is dreaming. I slowly unwrapped my arms around him and withdrew myself from his body, sitting up straight.

What have I done to his face? This was all because of me! I was beginning to feel myself drown in remorse and guilt every time I look at him. Every time I would look at him, his face covered with blood would appear before my eyes. His groans and yells filled my ears and every bit from yesterday came crashing down on to me. I leaned forward and pecked his forehead lightly before climbing off the bed.

As I took a step forward, my head started spinning and everything around my began going around in circles. I held the bed head, to keep myself from falling and shut my eyes, tightly. Staying like that for a few seconds when I opened my eyes, I felt fine. Strange!

It was a weekend and unfortunately, we had to stay home, unless something else comes up. I stepped out of the washroom, to find Murad still asleep, thankfully. I quickly made my way to the kitchen to make breakfast for both of us. I turned on the flame, cracking the eggs in the pan, and soon was lost in the pool of thoughts.

What have I done to myself? To Murad? To us? I looked at the bruises on my wrist and I felt my eyes getting teary. This was nothing compared to the amount of hurt, I caused to the people I loved. Does Murad love me the same as before? Does he even love me now?

If he didn't then why would he hold you in his arms last night? A voice inside me spoke.

But the one he called in his sleep wasn't you! The other one said.

I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath when a tear trickled down my cheek.

"Assalamoalaikum!" Said a voice that broke my chain of thoughts. My eyes shot open, and I quickly wiped my tears and replied "Walaikumsalam." without looking at him.

I glanced at the eggs I'd left in the pan and thankfully, they didn't burn up. Just the opposite of what I was inside. I was burning, and I couldn't help it.

"We missed Fajr!" He said.

"Yeah, sorry! I didn't wake up to the alarm." I told him, with my back to his face.

We sat for breakfast, on the same table, facing each other, sitting right there yet were far away. He didn't look at me the whole time and focused on his food, eating quietly. While I, on the other hand, focused on the man sitting across me. I had lost my appetite long ago and can't even recall the last time I ate a proper meal. 

Even my body was now used to the hunger as my stomach stopped growling and making noises, these days. I watched his every move, while he avoided me. I wanted to ask him how he was, how was he feeling. I wanted to touch his wounds and ask him if they hurt. I watched his arms resting on the table and wanted to get lost in them. Wanted to hide away from the cruel world and all it had.