Golden

15

"Are we getting fired because Lucy is only writing new songs about being lovesick?"
I perked up immediately in my chair, shooting Ethan a death stare from across the long table we were gathered at in the corporate conference room.
"Shut up, Ethan," Finn snapped before I had a chance to. He quickly reached over and slapped the back of Ethan's head. "Would you like to write our songs from now on?"
"We'll definitely get fired then," Jackson muttered gravely next to me.
"It was a joke. Jesus!" Ethan instantly backtracked, gingerly rubbing the spot Finn had struck. "Everyone needs to lighten up."
"Or you need to shut up," Jackson countered, also jumping to my defense.
"I love Lucy's new material," Ethan feebly attempted to explain. "It's blowing up and getting us a ton of streams and downloads on top of the fact that it's her best written stuff." He peered over at me, looking sorry. "I was clearly kidding, Lucy."
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for jokes. After another sleepless night, I had gone for an early morning run to clear my head. But the peaceful bliss of a runner's high didn't last long. Our agent and manager called each of us individually and requested we all get to the record label as soon as we could for an emergency meeting. Finn called me immediately, trying to reassure me that everything was going to be fine, already knowing that my mind was rapidly spiraling out of control. As we were escorted upstairs into the offices of the executives, we still couldn't figure out what any of this would be about. But none of us had a particularly good feeling about it.
I tried not to glance at the walls as we made our way into the biggest conference room in the entire building. Harry's face and album plaques were plastered all over the interior spaces, and seeing him, even just framed in print form, only made me more anxious.
I dug my nails into the palms of my hands, unable to get myself to relax in my seat. My leg was wildly bouncing up and down in the chair and I couldn't sit still, even though my brain kept scolding me for already getting carried away and thinking the worst. I was nearly jumping out of my skin when Finn looked at me across the gigantic table and told me calmly, "Don't panic. I'm sure this is just going to be another boring meeting about our schedule or adding more shows or something."
"Or not." I gulped hard, feeling like I was swallowing knives. "What if we're fired? What if Ethan is right?"
"When has Ethan ever been right about anything before?" Jackson replied evenly, which admittedly made me feel a little better. "Don't get ahead of yourself."
Too late.
I knew I hadn't been in my right mind since Harry had left two months and thirteen days ago (not that I was counting or anything...) Even with the distance, he still called me every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. We were both sporadic sleepers, so the slight time difference never really mattered much for either of us. He would call me at all hours to talk, usually about the books he was reading or the music he was listening to. But he never mentioned any songs he had written or how the studio sessions were going. I wasn't even sure if he had been writing at all or really what he was doing to help himself get over his breakup. I didn't know if it was better or worse not knowing.
After several sleepless nights and wrestling with my inner demons and doubts, I warily tried to put up some barriers between us. I figured that it was better to protect myself now rather than regretting not doing it later once everything inevitably ended or things shifted between us. I replayed our last night together over and over in my head, so many times that I could practically recite everything Harry had told me word for word.
But I wasn't going to hold him to anything he said. We had a whirlwind weekend and I knew all too well that sometimes when you have an immediate connection with someone, you can say things that you might not fully mean, especially when you haven't seen them in 74 days, 6 hours, 43 minutes and 13 seconds.
But really - who was counting?
I sometimes screened his calls, knowing that hearing his voice would only cause an eruption of uncontrollable emotions to pour out of me. On the bright side, I had written and recorded 7 new songs that seemed to be doing exceptionally well, even if I ended up a sobbing mess on my bathroom floor after finishing the lyrics. I silently wondered if Harry had heard our new material. I never dared to ask and he never mentioned it, which was probably for the best.
Missing Harry became a dull ache that I always felt in my chest; but I had grown somewhat used to the pain. At least I was still feeling something. I told myself that hurt and longing and wanting something you can't have was better than being numb.
I wasn't fully convinced.
"Sorry for the wait." A studio executive I vaguely recognized burst through the conference room door. I jumped at his unexpectedly loud arrival, glancing up as he walked into the room, followed closely by our agent, Max, and our manager, Maura. "We had a studio scheduling snafu on the West Coast that we needed to clear up right away."
"No problem," Finn interjected, putting his professional voice on. I inwardly laughed at how insane he always sounded to me in meetings. The more serious the meeting, the lower Finn's voice got.
The studio executive sat down at the head of the enormous table and readjusted his navy suit jacket. It looked expensive. He smiled at us, almost like he was savoring the fear and uncertainty on our faces and lauding his power over us.
"His name is Simon," Maura leaned in and whispered to me subtly. She winked and I discreetly thanked her. I hadn't fully gotten used to remembering important people's names, especially when all of the executives looked alike and I was never in a room with any of them for more than 10 minutes at a time it seemed.
Simon scanned all of us, as if also trying to remember each of our names, which I was fairly certain he didn't know. When his gaze landed on me, he paused and his eyes flashed unexpectedly. My stomach flipped, holding his stare. I didn't want to show weakness, even though my clenched fists underneath the table were digging so deeply into my palms that I could've drawn blood.
"Lucy, right?" Simon asked finally, pointing at me and looking for confirmation. "Lucy Evans?"
I nodded, surprised. I was certain that no one in the room had whispered my name to him. "Yes."
Simon's smile grew. "I gotta tell you that I absolutely love the new music you're writing. I just heard your newest single on my way into work today and was blown away. Truly. Have you been paying attention to the streaming numbers? You're all over the hits charts on all platforms." He nodded enthusiastically, looking impressed. "It's remarkable. Really well done."
I smiled in partial disbelief. Even though he was saying such positive things, the nervousness I was feeling hadn't disappeared in the least. "Thank you. That's nice of you to say." I kept carving my nails into my hands, feeling overwhelmed and waiting for some kind of bad news to spill out.
"So with that being said, we've been brainstorming ways to really expand your audience and reach," Simon went on, drumming his fingers on the top of the table. "According to our research, your numbers on the East Coast are colossal, especially since the uptick in producing new material. It's really resonating with your already established fanbase here."
Maura and Max seemed encouraged, glancing at each of us with wide grins, looking like proud parents. I was still on edge, but feeling a bit better and more assured they weren't going to fire us...yet anyway.
"On the West Coast, you're getting steady streams and downloads, but we think we could really boost those numbers substantially if you did a few shows out there," Simon went on, looking directly at me now. "Nothing too crazy; just a two week stint to get your name out there and have audiences see you perform live. We've already lined up four popular venues who would absolutely love to have you."
Finn straightened up. "When you say West Coast, you mean-"
"California," Simon answered before his question was even finished. "LA specifically."
Harry.
My heart was bursting out of my chest. I peered down at my hands and noticed that they were bright red and caved in with half moon indentations of my sharp nails. I closed my fists again.
"We'd get you on a plane right away," Simon continued, swiveling a bit in his chair, not entirely understanding our silence. "I know it's last minute, but we want to strike when the iron's hot and man, it's scalding for you guys right now."
"You'll also get a chance to have some studio time in LA," Maura also noted with a small smile in my direction. "In case you get inspired there. And at the rate you're churning out songs, it seems like you'll make great use of it."
All eyes locked on me. My face blushed as I avoided all of their prying gazes. I merely nodded, feeling like my head was detached from the rest of my body.
"Your hotels and transportation are already booked and ready," Simon told us, getting back to business. "We were thinking of marketing these shows as a kind of secret session to really create a buzz since we don't have a lot of time to promote them." Simon pointed at me again, snapping me to his attention. "We're thinking these shows can be a bit more intimate where you can really interact with the audience. Maybe give them some insight into your creative process and how you've been pumping out these hits so quickly lately? Give them a little insider info into the inspiration?"
I gulped. That would be way too personal.
I might as well confess my love for Harry in a billboard on Hollywood Boulevard at that point, I thought gravely.
Then I caught myself. Did you mean to say "love"?
I shook my head, knowing I was close to spiraling inside my own mind. I tried to focus back on what Simon was explaining, but kept harping on the fact that even in the safety of my own silent thoughts, I admitted to loving Harry.
No, it was just a slip up. It didn't mean anything.
Right?
"So if you agree to this, we can have you on a flight out of here in a few hours," Simon informed us, causing me to come back to the current conversation.
"Tonight?" My voice cracked.
I could see Harry tonight?
No, stop it. This is work. You're going for work.
Simon peered at me, studying my face for any signs of hesitation. "Is that a problem?"
I shook my head. My vision was going blurry around the edges. "No. No problem."
"So you all are in agreement on this?" Simon pressed as he glanced down at his watch, probably late for another meeting.
"Lucy's choice."
I looked up at Finn, who had spoken. He was carefully watching me, gauging my reaction. I swore, for a split second, his eyes were begging me to say no. But that thought quickly escaped my mind. I must be seeing things.
"I think it would be good for us," I said slowly and diplomatically, though my heart was racing and pounding so loudly that it was echoing inside my skull.
"Is that a yes then?" Simon prodded, needing actual approval.
"I...I say yes," I stammered out, still reeling.
"I'm in," Jackson agreed immediately.
"Me too," Ethan confirmed.
Finn took once last look at me, as if trying to read my mind. After a beat, he nodded. "California it is."