San Fransisco {Niall Horan}

6. I'm Changing

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Lola's POV

"It was in September of 2015, we were playing in a sold out O2 Arena in London. We were about to perform Night Changes and the sound cut out. And when I tell you all hell broke loose, I have never been more terrified in my life. One Direction was falling apart, we were the remains of the boys we once were. Harry spun in circles, Louis and Liam got so angry at the tech team, and I just stood there clutching my guitar to my chest, staring into the rafters with a terrified expression on my face. It went on for five whole minutes, it was agonizing. It wasn't the breaking moment of One Direction, not even close, but it helped us realize we needed a break." Niall explained, he looked stress and his eyes were red from tearing up. He had spent the last half hour telling me about growing up in the limelight but I could tell he barely even scratched the surface.

"Oh my god." I didn't even know how to respond to that, it sounded just terrible.

"They stripped us five young boys of our identities and molded us into marketable teenagers. We lived out our dreams, but I can't say that I wouldn't change a thing. I love my life now, and while I will always miss touring the world with my best friends this is for the better. Not even five years out and all of us have been able to grow into our own person and thrive. I have always been a strong believer in that you need to grow on your own before you can be your best self with someone else." It's weird to think that this strong, confident and world famous man sitting in front of me used to be a scared 17 year old that had just gotten the chance of a lifetime. But according to Niall, it wasn't as great as it seemed. 

"So, what does any of this have to do with Louis?" I asked. 

"When I tell you Louis got the shit end of the stick, Louis got the shit end of the stick." Niall said with a small laugh. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes that were from earlier before continuing. "Louis was there for every single one of us, but he often forgot about himself. He fought on countless occasions for me and the rest of the boys, he was the father figure we needed even though he was only 18 himself. This, in turn, made him extremely protective of all of us to this day. But since Louis went to bat for us and protected us to the very end, no one was there to protect him."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Our management was terribly controlling, particularly of Louis." Niall said but I was still confused. I tilted my head to the side, waiting for Niall to tell me what he meant. 

"Louis had a different contract than us, it still isn't up yet. The contract controlled his behavior and his personality more so than the rest of us. He was forced to who he was and I think he just lost a part of him that he will never get back. As soon as Louis signed the contract he lost his fun and happy self and became a quiet and sad individual. We knew why he had to do it, but we couldn't do anything about it and we wished it didn't have to happen at all. It's sad having to grow up watching this person you looked up to as a father figure be so inconceivably unhappy." Niall explained. I was beginning to understand, and my heart broke for Louis. Everything was beginning to make sense, the pain in his eyes, the reserved nature about him, how protective he was of Niall, even the girl who was out in public with him that he seemed to have no connection with whatsoever, all of it. I always thought One Direction was out living their best lives, living their dreams with amazing friends and dedicated fans. But here I was, sitting here learning the truth about how these babies were thrown into a world not meant for people their age. They were taken away from their families and everything they've ever known, it absolutely crushed me. 

"I- I don't even know what to say." I mumbled, still taking in everything Niall has just told me.

"It's ok, you don't have to say anything." Niall smiled, leaning in to wipe the tears that managed to escape my eyes. "Are you tired?" 

"Exhausted." I whispered, resting my head on Niall's shoulder. Without another word Niall picked me up and walked into my bedroom, laying me down gently on the bed. I grabbed the pajamas that were still there from last night and changed quickly while Niall stripped down to his underwear. We both climbed into bed and drifted off, everything Niall shared with me tonight still swirling around in my head.

-

The next morning I woke up in an empty bed, the warmth from Niall's body now gone leaving me alone and cold. I slowly got up out of bed and left my bedroom to see if Niall was in the other room. But to my surprise Niall was no where to be found, any remnant of his presence was now gone. I checked the clock, it was only 9 am so he must have left early this morning without a word. I decided to call him and check in, but there was no answer. My heart sunk, somewhere between last night and this morning Niall began to regret telling me what he did enough to leave while I slept. I don't know what changed but it hurt, a lot.