love and hate ; catradora

chapter zero

original author: JJOSHSIE
she wrote in in spanish and gave me permission to post it in english, ty <3

-----

(Catra).
While being at the orphanage, I could never really appreciate the love this girl gave me. It was very pure and innocent, so beautiful; so when I was 5-6 years old, I started to be conscious about where I was, I wasn't able to appreciate it the way it deserved to be. I only appreciated it when I was away from her. One time, the last time, that I remembered her golden hair and blue eyes like the sky.

The only thing that I ever hated, and still do, is using people. I hate it when people manipulate people as they please and only for their own benefit. Selfishness, hypocrisy. Some of the many things I noticed when I turned 7.

I started to notice how much I benefitted my parents just by having me, and how different their treatment towards me changed in front of people and when we were alone.

- Mrs. Weaver?-a journalist asked-
What made you adopt a girl in this stage of your relationship?

- Absolutely nothing, Mr. Hordak and I thought it was an appropriate time to start a family, and what a lovely way to start one giving a girl that deserves one?

Lie, that was a lie. They already tried having a baby and they couldn't, Weaver is sterile.

My parents relationship began thanks to their lack of fame on media. I don't know how many times they "got together" and "broke up" within a year. They saw how people got tired of it, so as they were old and ran out of ideas, they decided to have a baby; but they couldn't.

And out of all of that shit, there's me, Catra. At least I got the name my biological mother gave to me, if not, I would change it as fast as I could when I turned 18. My parents' farce would be reflected on how they treated me. They never talked to me, never gave me a single hug, or a show of affection or love (because they didn't even feel love from one another).

I always wished to have a mother. A loving, caring mother that would ask me how school was, how I was, being able to tell her when I liked someone and that she could give me her opinion about them, cook together, go shopping...

The lack of a paternal figure in my life was more than obvious as years went by. I was never taught good manners or values in that mansion (because they weren't any), help was never given, so I always learned by myself and thanks to my teachers.

My only escape for that was school, an environment I could call home, with some very good teachers that treated you patiently and lovingly. The ones that had the courage to teach and gave everything in them in the process. The kindest principal ever, the best human there could ever be; (a little bit strict though, no human can ever be perfect) and a few friends, a little bit crazy, but loyal friends.

Everything started to change when school got hard. Although years passed by and I was happy with my grades, my parents were not.

My small refuge to stay safe in that mansion, it didn't deserve to be called home because it wasn't, was destroyed by those evil beings called "parents", because they weren't even protectors nor parents, but I was forced to call them that.

Everything was going well for me, but as my grades were going down; not only did they destroy where I kept my personal stuff like letters from my friends, books, my wools to knit with and my painting supplies, and that's where they began hitting me.

It was one of the most painful times of my life. It changed me as a person, even if I didn't want to. My attitude started to change and my friends noticed. Only Entrapta and Scorpia stayed by my side, but because they knew about my situation. And I swear to my biological mother that it was never my intention to treat my best friends like that; but my bad mood in the mornings for not getting a good sleep, conscious about the pain of my bruises of the night before, and my insomnia caused by all nighters studying, didn't let me think or act correctly.

Come on, why do you force an 11 year old girl to stay up all night because she got an B+ instead of an A+? I was doing well, being too strict with me was unnecessary.

That's how I spent life, for a couple of years that seemed endless, but I finally turned 18 and graduated highschool.

I think the best choice I've made was to move to another country with my best friends.

And ever since, I've been trying to improve my manners, character, and my actions with other people. My friends had helped, even if I was very proud, I had to learn to accept mistakes. Especially when people told me to in order to improve.

I was getting better over the years, bit there are still a few attitudes that are hard for me to change. My distrust and hate for some types of people was clearly never going to change.

🌈✨🍡💗

When we arrived to New York, we moved to a close building to college, where we would all study together.

We went out of a little bit, as Scorpia and Entrapta wanted to look for a job. Talking with Scorpia on our way out about our dream job, we lost sight of Trapta. Where did she go?