Dually Devoted ✓

Chapter 21

Arpita got up the next morning, quite refreshed. Siddharth had taken her home and accompanied her the whole evening, all the while making sure that she was getting plenty of liquid intake. She couldn't believe he had cancelled his meeting simply to take care of her! No one had done that for her. Her heart ached at its affection. Why was he being so sweet to her? How was she ever going to repay him?

Just being with him gave her a joy that overpowered all her problems. The same had happened the day before. As they were conversing about random topics, she hadn't even realized when the clock had struck 10. And she was sure, nor had he, until Aunt Yovela had called them both for dinner. Though she wasn't in the mood to walk till his house, she had wanted to spend more time with him. Nevertheless, she was glad she had agreed to have dinner there. First time in the last few days, she had had a healthy meal and a fun time, without the interruption of unwanted thoughts. It felt nice and refreshing. For having dinner with all of them made her feel she wasn't alone, unlike how she was used to feeling.

The whole evening had been a memorable time, but the best were the moments she had spent with him alone in her house, talking about everything and nothing. The feeling of warmth and safety had somehow engulfed her. He had repeatedly asked her if she wanted to rest, that he'd leave if it was so and it wasn't a problem. But she had refused every single time. She wondered now if she was being clingy?

She laughed at that thought. Clingy! When had she last depended on someone?

She smiled, and her smile reminded her of who had taught her to smile- Arnav. And the problem she still hadn't sorted entered her mind again. She told herself to let that thought pass. It wouldn't help her decide what to do anyway. But she couldn't.
What does it mean to not think of it?
To keep on living this way?
By leading him on...?
He had waited for two weeks as if it was as easy as breathing, but who could know better than her how hard it was to wait for someone, when you didn't even know if you were their everything or nothing.
Knowing the pain, how could she take advantage of his unfailing forbearance?

Her frown turned upside down as she pondered about how the arrogant, 'I don't tolerate delay' kind of boss had turned to someone with so much patience. "Everyone has another side to them," she mumbled to herself, chuckling right after.

Resting her head on the headrest, she asked herself, how would he react if I was to tell him that I can't date him? Would he understand my reason, or would he think I'm foolishly clinging to a shadow? She reminisced what Violet had told her.

'My Arnav. He isn't a shadow. He is the one who taught me what love is,' she had explained to Vi.

Arnav... was her mother, her father, her best friend, her first love, and her everything.
Could one ever replace someone who held so many places in their heart? Could one ever think of betraying or moving on from someone that important? Wasn't that impossible?

She might've started to like Siddharth, but she couldn't choose him alone, and she had begun to understand that she can't choose just Arnav either. Not any longer. Both of them didn't deserve her indecisive heart in exchange for theirs, so she was better off alone, she had concluded. Maybe then, she would get to see them both, or at least Siddharth, with a partner who can actually keep him happy and love him without a second thought. Even if she had to endure the pain of seeing him with someone else, oddly it seemed better to her than being with him herself... She was starting to dislike herself to that extent, she understood.

When you don't have someone who loves you unconditionally, no mother, no father and no family, then it becomes much easier to push yourself away; to dislike your own self and come to hate life. She didn't want to reach there, but how was she to stop the process?