Dually Devoted ✓

Chapter 35

A stranger pulled him by his elbow, the truck going past him. "You okay?"

Siddharth did not reply. He hadn't even heard it. His mind was elsewhere; what was that he had just seen? As he tried to focus on the scene that had flashed in front of him, the pain in his head increased; his eyes clenched shut- blood, ache, crashes, screeches, horning- he held his head, holding in a scream, as he dropped to his knees. At midst all the pain, his younger self glanced at the blood-stained papers near his feet. Arpita... I'm sorry, he seemed to say mentally before everything had faded away.
But to Siddharth, the scenes kept replaying. The crash, the hurt, the struggle- he could hear his heart thumping against his chest; he could feel the strength it took to even breathe. He forcefully pried his eyes open... making everything seem like a half-forgotten dream.

He just stayed there, sweating, panting, not knowing what to think. His mind rapidly, involuntarily, skimmed through every detail of what he had just recalled... And as he focused his complete concentration on the letters and the words in them, snippets of him reading the letters came to him in bits and pieces. Arnav... Arnav, Arnav. The flashing words and sentences had him confused, anxious; he couldn't connect to them even in the least. They just kept flashing by, gradually forming a clear picture, a clear event. He tried to understand it, as if attempting to understand a random movie, feeling unattached.

"Siddharth!" Arpita bellowed, shaking him vigorously. He snapped out of his trance, his gaze meeting her worried ones. She must have been calling him for some time now, he registered; noticing her fright.

She was kneeling next to him; a look of exhaustion and defeat carved on her face, as a tear of relief slipped to her cheeks. She threw herself on him, a loud cry escaping her throat. Clutching at his blazer, she sobbed unceasingly, her racking wails dulled by the sound of the traffic. She could no longer act strong; she could no longer hold in her pain. All her struggles, internal battles, everything resurfaced, bringing a stream of agony with them. She cried for all the years of pain she had endured, as he held her in silence. Her raw cries were clear to his ears, and they strangely seemed like his own.

They didn't know how long they had sat there, her cries turning to sniffs and hiccups, her tears refusing to stop. When a lady halted, probably recognizing him- the billionaire sitting on the footpath with a woman crying in his arms- Siddharth exhaled, getting up and pulling Arpita with him by her hand. Hiding all his emotions behind a mask of sternness, he dragged her with him.

***

Sitting on her couch, beside him, she was still suppressing her sobs by biting hard on her lip. The longer she cried, more were the grieving thoughts that whirled through her mind. And Siddharth's presence only reminded her of what a mess she had made of everything. She hated having found him the way he looked; she hated having hurt him so. She was afraid that she wouldn't be able to mend it; she was afraid he'd love her no more.

Siddharth pushed himself off the couch, taking a step away from it, his back to her. "...Were my parents divorced? My real parents?" He questioned flatly, quietly, his gaze then falling on the picture his father had recognized him in. "Is that me?" He chuckled mirthlessly, "I'd been jealous of my own self?"

A chill ran down her spine.

He turned to her; his eyes devoid of any emotions. "You didn't once think that I'd like to know?" His eyes flared with anger. "That I'd want to know what my da- what everyone had been lying to me about? That I'd f***ing want to know who I am," he deadpanned, his hands flying everywhere in agitation. "You knew how much I wanted it- just one single glimpse- How much I've yearned for it, and you told me nothing. That man, who I trusted with my everything, has only ever lied to me, and you didn't care. Is he even my dad? Who the hell is he?"

"He-" she breathed, her gaze dropping to the floor. Her lips trembled; her dark lashes heavy with tears. "Adopted- you," she croaked out, a tear tracing down her cheeks. Then another, and another. She hid her face in her palms, heavy sobs escaping her once again.

'You didn't once think that I'd like to know?'

I longed to tell you just as much as you longed to know, she wanted to tell him. Those memories pain me just as much as not having them pains you. All I want to do is share them with you, make them true. And not be the only one holding on to it, like a dream.

He sat down next to her, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, keeping a distance between them. Yet, she smiled through her tears.

"So, my biological parents-" She lifted her chin, sniffing. "-they died?" She shook her head, her eyes fixed on the ground.

She had to tell him everything. And for sure, every word she'd utter would hurt. But she knew, it'd hurt him more than it'd hurt her. This wasn't the time for her to drown in her own sorrow; she had to hold it in, until she's alone. Wiping her tears off her face, she met his gaze once again, determined to tell him everything he'd want to know.

He stilled as she spoke, her answer devastating him. The man he had considered his dad had cheated him all along, and the parents who were supposed to love him had thrown him away? As the crucial details of his past, one by one, spilled in front of him, it dawned on him that he hadn't lived a normal life, after all. Far from it. However, despite the pain, he desired to recall them all. There was so much more he wanted to know; there was so much more he wanted to ask. But what he had asked, already, was enough to make him realize why Arpita and Addy hadn't told him about it. And though he couldn't forgive, forget and move on, he didn't despise them for it. Because he could see too, that on the surface, he sure was living a better life than the one he'd have now, after knowing it all. But, whatever maybe the reason, he could not bring himself to accept what his so-called father had done.

It made his blood boil, to think that he had been trying to remember all the wrong events, wrong names, wrong places and the wrong life all these years. More than anyone, that man had seen how much he'd suffered, struggled and survived. Only to take a deep breath and fight the pain. Again. That man had seen him screaming in frustration, crying in agony and spending his nights alone in the hall, with no sleep. That man had seen him anxiously asking questions after questions, cluelessly frightened, only to silence himself in embarrassment. That man had seen him in all his vulnerable states, only to manipulate him and play around with his life. Siddharth didn't know whether to yell or laugh at the fact that that man had lied to him throughout those painful days. What ached more, though, was that he hadn't ever doubted any of those words, blindly believing a man he hadn't even known. How naive had he been?

Siddharth dropped his head on Arpita's lap, closing his eyes as a single, solemn tear escaped his left eye. "Can I... stay here -for the night?"

She hugged him, resting her head on his arm, and gazing at him with red, concerned eyes. "Hmm," she hummed, seeking comfort in his warmth.

***
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