Cold Blooded - Plants Vs Zombies Mature Fanfiction #2

Getting higher then the Sun - Chapter 1

If you're reading this fanfiction, just know that I do not own PvZ in any shape of form, I only own this story. If you thought I owned Plants Vs Zombies, then your pretty retarded. Sorry, it's just facts 😂 Also, I'm only releasing this story because we got #5 for the search term PvZ! Can we get this story in the top 10 on a tag!?Alrighty on with the story:

What's up? I'm Jake. I like smoking weed, fucking chicks, playing videogames, and ignoring my parents calls.

I awoke to my alarm yelling at me.
Alarm: *Wake up or I'll cut off your dick!*
My alarm has my ex screaming at me. It wakes me up everyday. Because I'll be damned if that bitch is in my fucking apartment. I'd have no problem shooting that bitch. If I go to jail, at least I know I killed that fucking skank.

I take a shower and then get dressed in my work suit. Even though I go to work in a couple of hours (like 5), I still get ready right as I wake up so I feel refreshed. I walk into the living room, and nobody is there. Richard wakes up in a couple minutes and then goes to work about twenty minutes after. I open up the cabinet and grab out some 'Frosted Fertilizer' cereal. That's got to be one of the best cereals out there, accept Reece's Puff-Shrooms. Those are good as fuck. I open up the single wide fridge to get some milk. There is none, only almond milk. Damn it. Guess I'm using that for my milk, I don't know why Richard likes almond milk. What a fucking nerd.

Richards door opens up. He comes out in his Bandana and Sunglasses.
Me: Yo Richard
Richard: What's up?
Me: Finna try to get laid tonight?
I smirk at him, knowing he ain't ever gonna find a date with his dorky ass. By 'his dorky ass' I meant that like his nerdy self, not his actual ass. I'm not gay like that.
Richard: Pray for me man
I laugh, then give him the box of Frosted Fertilizer I had in my hands. He then pours him some cereal and we sit on the couch. After watching season four of Rick And Marigold, (when the fuck did that come out?) He says he has to go.
Richard: Shit, I have to get to class.
Me: Wait! Wanna smoke before you go?
He looks at the ceiling.
Richard: Hmm... Yeah fuck it.
He gets his bong and then hits it a couple of times before he leaves.
Me: Have fun in your fucking textbook filled classes you fag
Richard: Have fun sitting on your ass you Fagtard
We laugh together and then he leaves. I then go back to my room to get on my PlantStation 4. I get on Call of Zombies Black Ops 4 and begin to haul ass to the Plant side. The game has two teams face off each other in a 3D world killing each other. The teams consist of the plants and the zombies. Don't you wish zombies were real? Imagine an alternate universe where Plants and Zombies really do Battle. Hmm...