The Inglorious Years They Call High School

For a Change

I was never going to fit in or even be normal, it took me far too long to realize that. I was always hoping that maybe people would see that I'm not as bad as they all wanted to believe I was. But during one of my intense therapy sessions on the holidays (they made me go into a major recovery program for before school) I realized that I couldn't please everyone and that their opinions of me weren't actually reflective of my personality because no one actually knew me.

My parents decided last week that I should probably move schools, since it would be nearlly impossible to show an entire school that I'm not who they think I am. So today is my first day at my new school. I'm rather looking foward to it to be honest, and I can honestly say that I'm scared out of my wits. Regardless of how confident I feel that I atleast look okay it was my personality and actions that made the majority of the last two years so hard. That wasn't true actually, I trusted the wrong people.

I should be careful of this. It's the last quater and I'd rather finish the year without any new baggage.

When I arrived at my new school I felt out of place, the girls here were all in outfits that looked atleast $100 per peice of clothing. I felt like a try hard looking at all these beautiful girls flouncing around in their pretty little skirts and dresses, so girly. I was dressed like a man compared to them, a 'tight in the right places' deep blue top with an owl pattern on it and washed out bleached 'stylishly' ripped skinny jeans and plain blue flats. My hair atleast looked decent and my make up was pretty good, maybe I should have worn my contacts though. I'm nit picking I realized. 'Emi stop it' I told myself sternly, I was determined to get through the day.

And for a first class, I suppose English was pretty okay, I mean that it's not like the language all of a sudden drastically changed. I was glad, I was at the back and in the corner and I only had to tell the teacher my name, none of that standing up and introducing yourself crap. And thank the lord, what would I say? 'Hi my name is Emi, I moved schools because I was raped and severely bullied, yes this is my real hair colour, no I'm not a dyke and before you even think about asking, my scars are because I cut myself'. Yup, I definately dodged a bullet there.

I was more surprised about the fact that someone willingly sitting next to me. A girl nonetheless, it was more then strange to me when she introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Jill" she smiled, it even went to her eyes which were a jade green. I couldn't muster any words after that, she was just so surprisingly genuine and I felt so off balance.

"Uh, I-I-IIIII'm Em-m-m Emi" I choked out, god what an idiot I was, stuttering. STUTTERING! REALLY EMI, REALY?! I mean sure, first social interaction with a girl my age in about a year but still. Stuttering! Ugh.

Jill interrupted my thoughts with giggles. "That'sd really cute, I never actually heard a stutter before, but I think it's kind of really endearing. Plus I wouldn't of thought you'd be the kind of person to do it, you look so together and in control. Are you okay? New girl jitters?" Jill rambled like a pro, and if she thought my stutter was so great then she'd be pretty great herself.

I was almost tempted to tell her why I was so nervous, but I quickly realized that she was a stranger and I probably couldn't trust her. Not yet atleast. "New girl jitters times a zillion!" I giggled in reply.

She nodded and gave me a sympathetic look. "I was new mid-way through the second quarter, it was torture, everyone was all clicked into their groups. Maybe it'd be a bit easier for you to make friends" she was the real deal nice girl. Jill the nice girl, it fit I supposed.

I held back a snort at her remark. "Friends?! You think I, ME, the person right infront of you, could make friends?! HA!" A few people turned to stare, but since most of the class was talking they just decided to weigh in on our conversation.

One boy with grey-blue eyes and a mop of black hair said "if I can make friends then surely a girl that looks like you do could too, I mean you're far more attractive then most of the girls in this school, and that lovely laugh. Most other girls here are a lot worse off then you". I knew he was trying to be nice, but I kind of wanted to punch him "most other girls here are a lot worse off then you", how would you know huh?!

A girl in a trashy red top with most of her cleavage hanging out glared at the mop haired boy before saying "like hell you could make friends, seen a mirror lately? You expect to make friends dressed like that, with your hair dyed that colour and knock-off raybans? You're kidding yourself right?" Her brain seemed to be smaller then her top, or the amount of clothing she seemed to be wearing in general.

"Come on Clara, lay off, give the new meat a bit of a chance. Besides, I think she's pretty hot" an admittably gorgeous guy with bright jade green eyes like Jills said while giving me one of those nods of akcnowledgement. I had to say, my attention was undivided at that moment, my butterflies had butterflies.

"Wow, I'm just gonna cut in before I get any more glares, first class guys don't want to disturb the peace" I really didn't and all of this attention was getting me nervous. I swelled with a little pride when I realized that I didn't stutter. A momment later I realized that two guys said I was decent looking, two! I let a nervous giggle escape me.

"What was that?" Jill asked me, I realized I still held all the same peoples attention.

"Oh, um nothing, sorry" I was startled at the fact that they were all still looking at me so intently. "What is so interesting people? Really, nothing better to stare at here?"

"No, there really isn't anything better to stare at, nothing I'd rather stare at" said the gorgeous green eyed guy. I officially decided he's a flirt and I shouldn't really pay too much attention to him. But god he's good looking.

The bell interrupted my thoughts and all of a sudden there were two guys and a girl were crowding me and asking what classes I had. I was kind of uncomfortable, people seemed to genuinely like me for a change.

A/N: There will be another chapter by the 1st of Dec. I've been using my writing to procrastinate and deal with some things going on in my head, so I've kind of wasted a lot of time that I should have been using to do my assignments on this. There will probably be something up before then because all my assignments are due on the 23rd (3 days). Sorry guys, I just need to play a bit of catch up here...

However, there has been the start to another story developing on my i-pod so maybe I'll post that at some point in the next few days.