Survivor's Guilt || Peter Parker

Six

It's been three weeks and five days since Morgan's funeral.

As much as Peter was ashamed to admit it, he doesn't remember much of the service.

He knew that it was held at the lake house, and he also knew that there were not many people who actually attended it. Not because they didn't try to, but the Stark family had wanted it to be private and personal.

New outlets were already aware of Morgan Stark's death, and while no one but Peter knew of the specifics, they still discussed it for weeks on end, sharing rumors and theories that only the media was capable of creating.

If it weren't for May keeping a close eye on Peter, he would never get out of bed. She constantly reminds him to shower and take care of himself, and more often than not she shoving food down his throat after he gives her a difficult time.

For the past few weeks, Peter feels time move in slow motion, and each breath he takes is painful and undeserved. 

A part of him wanted to reach out to Pepper and Tony, apologize for his failure, for not trying hard enough, but he stops himself from making the first move.

He has yet to say a word to either of them, not even at the funeral. He assumes that they would not want to see him anyway.

He was more than aware that it would only a reminder of what they had endured and lost.

At least that's how it was for Peter, he could no longer look at himself in the mirror.

Still, May stays close to his side and whispers reassurances in his ear when the nightmares pull him down. She tells him that it's not his fault, that he did nothing wrong, and Peter always bites his lip and fights the urge to call her a liar.

May had taken off many days of work to take care of him, but the hospital was starting to get aggravated with her antics. Apparently, she had used too many of her sick days, and if she didn't start routinely working again, they would have to fire her.

Currently, May has her delicate hands brushing against his cheek, attempting to get him to meet eye contact with her.

"You'll be okay, right?"

Peter wants to tell her that he hasn't been okay for weeks, but that much has been obvious. So, he simply nods his head and tries to look as convincing as possible.

Of course, May sees right through him. Peter can see the hesitation in her eyes, and it's clear that she doesn't want to leave him alone in the apartment.

"Your dinner is in the microwave, just heat it up whenever you're ready. If you need anything, you can always call me- promise you will?"

Peter nods again, knowing he won't pick up the phone.

May lets out a sigh before kissing his cheek, "okay, I'm headed out- if I come home and your food is untouched, you will be in big trouble mister." May tries to say the words with a teasing voice, but the joke falls flat.

"I will."

She kisses him once more, this time on the forehead, and gives him a hug before walking out the door.

Peter hates how reliant he has become on May, and now that he's alone for the first time in weeks he feels tears gather in his eyes.

He tries to busy himself with as many useless tasks as possible: he vacuums the carpet, cleans to toilet, scrub the windows, but nothing fully distracts him.

He used to rely on Spiderman for that, but the one time he tried to put on the suit he had a full blown panic attack.

The silence is all consuming, and when he's not actively working to keep himself occupied, he could vaguely hear Morgan's heartbeat slowly losing rhythm until it stops all together.

He thinks he'll forever be haunted by that sound.

Peter is getting ready to clean the air vent when he hears a knock from the door, and he drops all of the cleaning supplies, wincing when they fall with a loud crash.

Peter closes his eyes a listens from across the room. He focuses in on the breaths from the other side of the door, but he can't tell who it is. He distantly wonders he's imagining it until a voice speaks up.

"Open up kid, I know you're in there."

Peter acknowledges that he has officially gone insane, because there was no way Tony Stark was out there calling for him after everything he's done wrong.

He stands still with shell shock before he hears the knock again, this time more hesitant.

"Peter?"

His feet move without his permission, and he pauses for a moment before turning the knob and swinging the door open. Much to Peter's surprise, Tony is actually there, arms crossed together and eyebrow raised.