POWER

(Book 2)Chapter 1- Game Over; You loose.

There's something that I want to say, but I feel I don't know how. Until I just can't hold it one more day, so I think I let it out. You're on my mind more than I may show you're in my heart more than you may know And the last thing that I want, Is to you to fall apart. You're future will be clearer, I want you to remember. In each tear there's a lesson, Makes you wiser than before Make you stronger than you know In each tear Brings you closer to your dreams No mistake, no heartbreak Can take away what you're meant to be...-Mary J Blige.




What's love? Love is a feeble colletion of words- that someone how defey the laws of the Earth and just Fuck you over. Love will make you cry. Love will make you happy, feel like your on top of the world. Love can make some people kill. And what did love do me? Well, it made me feel like I was standing on the twin towers, made me as free as a bird. Corny right?- then, my bird got pouchered, the twin towers bombed down. And my perfect little love story ended. No good ever comes from a four letter word, look what we have- Fuck, shit, slag, sket, love. Not a good word EVER comes out. So what do you do when the going get tough? Join them?- tried that. Run from them- Tried that too. So what now?

I saw the words disspear as I scrucnched it up in my hand and threw it in the bin. That was now by far my 100th attempt. I had been sitting on my computer desk all Tuesday. So much for "writing your feelings down will help"- I felt even worse. Mum had come home in the early hours of the moring and things were back to fully funtioning things. I had made a decsison to stay with my Dad for a while- I would rarely see him and some positive male company was the one thing I needed right now. Probably wondering why doesn't my Dad come over instead of Sam? Well mum and dad didn't have the cleanest of divorces-but basically, she hates him. That's the simplest way to say it. My dad lived in Deavon- when I was a bit younger- when mum and dad were still together- we would go to deavon during the summer holidays and he would always say I want to live here, my mum would tell him to get his head out of the clouds and he would just tut and whisper in my ear ' one day', I would giggle and my Mum would just kiss her teeth and go back to reading her law books. I wasn't going to stay there for a long period of time, but just for the rest of the half term. At least that way I would avoid Omari and Zac- killing two birds with one stone. I also needed to focus on my studies and with my Dad being strict when it comes to education I was garrenteed to have educational fun just visiting musems, or war sites- or cathing up on a really good books. It was too late to leave now and I hadn't even informed my Mum about my decision- lord help me when she finds out. I put my head in my hands as I sighed deeply. This is what boredom feels like. I had finished crying over Zac- if its one thing I learnt; is that tears are stupid and don't work unless you under 10 years old. I wasn't sure where I stood with Zac; I still had feelings for him and the wound was still fresh, but I felt fine. When me and Omari broke up- I was a zombie for days, but with Zac... I feel... Fine, no more tears, no more sadness, no more looking at all of our text messages. I was sad about the break up for about a couple of hours. Then I slapped myself. I was 15. Not 25, 45, 55. 15. And I was already crying over boys. I was fine without them before with my education. The only men I had in my life were William Shakespeare and Benjamin Zephaniah. I didn't need Omari, Or Zac. I wanted. I wasn't going to have their babies, or live with them, but yet I was balling like I was. I remember months ago I would despise girls who would get so wound up over boys, I would laugh at them, and here I am being a hypocrite. I promised myself no more relationships with boys. I chuckled, it's funny that I could even think that, only months ago I would not even think about relationships unless it was in my book. I had changed and I had realised that, I was more violent, ruder, more louder; and that wasn't nessaciry bad thing but I wasn't a good thing either. I had started wearing make-up, buying dresses and heels, going to the hairdresser. I stood up ready to go on my mission. I went into the kitchen and got out a couple black bin bags. I walked upstairs and went into my room. I opened my wardrobe and took out every dress I could find and neatly folded it into the bag. I left one dress, the purple one I wore to my unties wedding when I was a brides maid. I got out my second plastic bag and put all my heels in there. Then got the final plastic bag and put any make up I could find in there, every single piece except mascara and eyeliner. I walked to my wardrobe and got out a coat, put on some pumps and got the bags with shoes and dresses, then made my way downstairs.
''Muuuum?!''
''Yes bunny?'' My Mum said walking away from the recipe book, she wanted to cook a special meal as she had a surprise later- or so she claimed.
''I'm going to the charity shop, I'll be back in 20 mins.''
''Okay, hurry up and stay safe.'' She wasn't really listening, shewas too busy tasting her cheesecake.
''Yes Mum''
'' Oh and do you have your pepper spray?'' Someone had been stabbed a couple of days ago around my area and my Mum was certainly not taking any chances.
''Yes Mum'' Yes I was lying. She gave me a look. I dropped the bags and ran upstairs and grabbed the spray. It was no bigger than my palm, but I had seen the adverts, it could do harm.
I left my house before she could even come back, I started walking and I must have looked like a tramp, it was around 7 so it was already dark and I had two large plastic bags with me. I walked into the charity shop and dropped the bags off; my Mm had always taught me not to waste. The woman on the cash counter smiled at me.
''It's so nice to see a young person donate. God bless you.'' She said with a warm smile.
''And you'' Yep. I was a church child. I had dropped the clothes off at the Red Cross which was surprisingly still open. I started walking home humming to myself, mission accomplished. I was walking past a Morley when a bunch of black boys walked out with food laughing. I shaked my head in head. Couldn't their mother cook then a nutritious meal. I walked past them without even giving them a second glance. I don't interest them and they don't interest me.
''Hey!'' I walked more briskly.
'' HEY!'' Whoever was shouting had a briskly husky voice. I felt someone's had grab my arm and spin me around. . I only knew a handful of males and no of them had a voice like that. My first instinct was to spray whoever it was in the eyes and all over there face.
''ARRRGGGHHHHH Fuck Aalliyah, what the hell is your problem'' The person shouted dropping their food and covering their face. Leaving me still bewildered who it was.