𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞

eleven

ashton;

soon, i wake up to the soft snores of the blonde in front of me. but i don't do anything about it, i just let it be. but the silence allows me to get stuck inside my own head.

the pain lingers in my chest as the weight of the boy rests upon me.

he encapsulates me, every waking minute of every day. his laugh is like a drug i need, flowing throughout my body in order for me to breathe. please cheer up, my broken boy. i'm sorry.

i think about my past words, and i realize that i cannot change them. the feeling of knowing you hurt someone and you can't take your words back haunts my body. i think about the boy's glassy eyes and wonder how many times this painful feeling has hurt him before, how many times he felt broken and alone like a castaway.

late night conversations
led to complications,
now my heart is in my hands.

i don't even catch myself sinking further into my overactive brain, my thoughts swirling around, dragging me to stupid conclusions.

how'd we drift so far away,
from where we left off yesterday?
i'm lonely like a castaway.

the morning comes sooner than i expected it to. the dewy light peeks through the shades, making long patches of light on the opposite wall. he's still right next to me, although he's changed positions a few times. he lays silent, snuggled underneath the cold duvet on top of both of us.

suddenly, luke jolts awake, screaming and murmuring sentences to himself. sweat drips down his pale forehead and his heart beat accelerates quickly. he panics, looking around the room for me.

"hey, hey angel! i'm here, you're safe. it was just another bad dream! shhh, just close your eyes and go back to bed," i whisper, cradling him in my arms.
"he-he w-was-" he begins
"shhh, sunshine. i'm here,"
he lays his tired body back down and closes his eyes after a few minutes.
my words seem to have an effect on him, because he falls right back asleep immediately.

for the rest of the early morning, i don't let him leave my sight. he tosses and turns a bit, finally turning to face me. his eyes rest closed with his pink lips chapped and slightly parted. he really does look perfect when he sleeps, and i fight the urge to kiss his perfectly shaped lips.

oh, the things you do to me babyboy. if only you knew. you're ever so winsome and eccentric.

as the time passes on, my eyes slowly move away from the wall and gravitate towards his face. i concentrate on each individual birthmark on his frosty skin. now that our bodies are connected at the hip, his less noticeable features become more and more remarkable every time i check.

his enraged words come back to my brain, and i shiver at the thought.

"i know what it's like to be pushed around, to be ignored, to feel invisible...."

ouch. definitely not what i expected from someone who's mostly quiet.

my brain replays the scene over and over and over again, his words stabbing my heart and giving me chest pains.

i sink further into the bed, waiting for him to open his beautiful eyes.

one hour later...

luke slowly starts to blink, shifting his body around his side of the mattress. once his eyes finally open fully, i flash a small smile at him.

"hi lukey boy," i smile, tracing my fingers along his arms tenderly.
"hi ash," he cooed, ruffling his unruly bed head of hair
my eyes travel to his healing wounds on his arms and abdomen. they appear to have healed, the bruises that once were purple are now a light yellow.

"how are your bruises?"
"erm, they're fine i guess, they still kinda hurt though," he hums back
"do you want ashton to put some medicine on your bruises?" i ask, making a slight pouty face
"yes please," he pleads with a slight smile

i retrieve plasters and ointment from the medicine cabinet and bring them back to the room.

"hello, i'm dr. irwin. what seems to be the matter today?" i probe, causing my cheeks to redden

a bright smile appears on his face and his dimples begin to show.

"hello dr. irwin, i have some wounds that need healing please." he responds back with a blooming smile

"alright, i'll fix you up and your boo-boo's will heal in no time!" i giggle again

i slowly lift his beige cotton shirt from the hem, placing it above his chest. his bare skin has  greenish purple marks littered all over his soft skin, making my stomach churn internally.
i press a light kiss to each of his bruises, remembering to stay extra aware of the pain it may inflict. his skin is velvety against my chapped lips. he begins to bite his lips slightly.

"tell me if i'm hurting you angel,"
after i finish cleaning the smaller less prominent marks, his body tenses up.
he bites his lip abruptly and winces in pain as i rub the ointment in gentle motions.

"ashton that's-ahh, ahhh!!" he cringes, trembling as i pull the swab away from his skin.

"i'm sorry! its going to sting, but if you let me do it quickly, it'll be over sooner, yeah?"

he nods in agony, and i try to keep the process as fast as possible.

"just let ashton finish his doctor expertises and you'll be all done, i promise," i hum

luckily, the rest of the procedure doesn't take long, and before we know it, i'm all done.

"you're all done lukey, i know it hurt, ashton's sorry but he hopes he can make up for it with a nice cuddle?"

a cheeky smile grazes his lips and his eyes brighten up.

"yes please, i want some cuddles," he pleads, opening his arms for me.

i position myself in his arms and hold him for what feels like hours.

"did dr. irwin take good care of you?" i inquire, laying my head on his chest

"yes, thank you dr. irwin," he giggles

OK IM REALLY PROUD OF THIS CHAPTER!

this chapter was pretty difficult to start, and i think i took out a lot before i got to this version HAHA...

this chapter makes me soft 🥰

anyway, i hope you enjoyed.
xoxo,
-lu <3