the librarian ❆ kagehina

hiding in plain sight.

     shōyō had suffered a bombarding string of texts the entire next day, all about how handsome tobio's date was and how funny and perfect and wonderful and endearing he was and how he paid for the meal and shōyō he kissed me can you believe it?!
     of course he could believe it. shōyō has never been the one people chose when they had the chance. not when it comes to love.
     he would just reply with a simple, "that's great!" or a somewhat non-controversial, "i'm happy for you!" and move on, hoping eventually tobio would just shut up about this 'tooru'.

     when the boy came into the library, shōyō was lucky to have been working a shift alongside shimizu for the first time in a while. he heard the door swing open, and he could only guess who'd come inside, and so he ducked behind the desk and begged softly for shimizu to cover for him.

     "why?" she whispered back, looking confused yet more prominently amused by his unusual nerves.

     "just do it, please!"

     shimizu was left without a chance to object, because shōyō darted away with remarkable speed, somehow managing not only to be completely silent through his escape towards the back room, but also go unnoticed by the boy who was looking for him.
     tobio reached the counter with a soft, thin-lipped smile. he recognized the girl behind the counter as the one he'd left a note with not too long ago, and he felt a sense of comfort in her presence; her sleek hair and smooth skin had a certain warmth to it, like that of a kind older sister.

     "hey," he greeted, shoving his fidgety hands in the front pocket of the cobalt blue sweatshirt hanging from his bony shoulders. shimizu liked the way it made his eyes glow just a tad brighter than usual- they were very blue, just like shōyō had mentioned. "is shōyō around?"

     "he is, but he's doing some work in the back. he's very busy."

     "oh, okay... you think will he be done soon?"

     "i don't think so. i'm sorry. want me to tell him you came by?" she cooed, the tone sounding so sweet and genuine she could have fooled even the smartest person in the world. tobio was under her thumb without even noticing, and she wasn't sure she enjoyed lying for her friend, but she herself has been in the pits of unrequited love- and her sympathies lie with the victim.

"uh, yeah. yes, that'd be good. well, thank you,"

"of course!"

"alright, goodbye." he mumbled, a more solemn expression stomping out one that was once bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

     "have a good day."

     the boy in blue shuffled out of the library with a heavy heart, seemingly beginning to text someone. shōyō watched from the large break room window, two fingers making an opening in the blinds to see him leave.
     it made shōyō feel sick to be ignoring him like this. he should've stood out there and let him ramble on and on, let him talk his ear off about his date, let him be undeniably happy for what seems to be the first time in a while. he felt like the worse friend in the world, watching from afar as he indirectly ruined tobio's bliss; the boy's shoulders were slumped, and he was running a hand through a head of messy, obsidian hair, fingers taut with confusion. shōyō simply watched, did nothing about it- how he managed to, he doesn't know. sad tobio was something he never wished to see.
     the library felt darker, almost as if a slate blue filter settled over the dust-clad shelves and empty carpeted seats. the skylight was shaded by clouds floating overhead, and shōyō let out an aggravated huff as he exited the break room, a pale complexion weighing on his slack face.

     "are you okay?"

     "yeah, i'm fine."

     "that's a lie, shōyō."

     he choked out a strangled, "i'm alright," but it caught halfway up his throat, resulting in a mere whisper that shimizu pitied. his face flushed even whiter as he lifted a box full of fantasy volumes and walked across the rough floor, eyes ungiving.

     mindless organization dulled his chest's beating for a few fleeting moments as he sorted through the multi-colored covers of books with magical creatures and beautiful men and women, separating them by author; almost robotically, he stocked the shelves, letting the monotony numb him all the way to the tips of his toes. he was forgetting, he was ignoring, he was choosing not to think about tobio, and he was okay with that for now. the world was not okay with that though, because no matter how hard shōyō tried to derail its plans, the world always kicks him in the shin for even trying.
     his phone buzzed in his back pocket, shaking him from his daze, and he reluctantly pulled it out. a message from the boy he'd just turned away lit up the screen, looking so innocently let down it took nearly every fiber of shōyō's being not to cry right there, hidden between judging rows of books.

     tobio:
     hey, i stopped by but the girl at the
     desk said you were busy. text me
     back when you get a chance.

     shōyō left the phone locked and jammed in back into his pocket, this time the ringer silenced. he fell back into his brainless routine, shutting out the light of the bleary library, breathing slow and unsteady.