The Venture Bros Oneshot Collection

Twilight's Easy Solution (Watch x Fem!Reader x Ward)

AN:  This is a Vampire AU that was requested a while back in discord, and it will be getting a graphic part 2 soon.  There are A LOT OF Twilight references in this.

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The Guild of Calamitous Intent had their share of different villains, all with varying degrees of power and arch level. Typically, all of these villains had their own arch rivals, and under the codes of the Guild, they would torment them for a living. It was a simple process, and everything just worked fluidly for most.

Two members of the Guild of Calamitous Intent did not follow this same flow, sharp fangs hidden inside their mouths. Working daily at the Guild, they hid their dirty little secret for years. Once work let out for the day, escaping from the stuffy room that they worked inside together, they would hit the bar.

Watch was the smallest bit more mature about both of their conditions, though Ward could get him going. Though they did not have a particular fondness for anything long term, due to their condition, they did have a popularity among the humans that was beyond compare. This fondness rose around the time that Twilight was released, and the two men could not help taking advantage of the opportunity.

"Hey there," Ward started, a smirk against his lips as he veered off from his friend to an attractive woman who was sipping her drink alone. "The voices in my head told me to come talk to you."

Y/N, the girl that was sipping upon her alcoholic beverage initially did not bother glancing up. It's just another guy being an idiot, she thought to herself. Move along, asshole.

Though he was initially ignored, Ward couldn't help himself wanting to see a reaction from the mortal in front of him. He had, after all, picked her due to her absolutely delicious smelling blood, as well as her outward appearance. Ward was determined to get this beautiful woman's attention as he went through the ridiculous franchise in his head, trying to think of something else he could say to get her attention. "I can inflict the most pain you've ever felt," Ward continued, his voice seeming unphased by the fact that she was ignoring him. "Or pleasure, take your pick."

By this point, the graveled voice of Ward had her attention. Particularly, any of these humans who heard the possibility of pain would shoot up in their seat, anyhow. Y/N's y/e/c eyes finally caught a glimpse of the blonde, not quite recognizing the shimmer of the fangs that held refuge in the mouth of this vampire. Outwardly, though, she did notice how seemingly attractive the man was, his one eye never leaving her. A small touch of blush rose to her cheeks as she attempted to huff, showing disinterest.

"I only have red eyes for you," Watch added in, clearly taking interest in the same beautiful and delectable specimen that Ward was already attempting to woo. He showed up behind the two, but he was much closer to her as his smirk made it's way to his face. Though he preferred taking the approach of the werewolf in the franchise, he could not help spinning Jacob into the vampire persona, seeing as a werewolf would not be an accurate way of describing him. "Is your name Bella, because your blood is simply tantalizing."

Now the woman knew where this was going, and she rolled her eyes. Unfortunately for Y/N, when she rolled her eyes, she did catch a glimpse at Ward's red eye. Since the man was clearly not albino, the woman's mind reeled to the possibilities. "So, are you two truly trying Twilight pickup lines on me?" She scoffed out. "Trying to make me think you're vampires?" Though she attempted to keep her confidence as she spoke, the slight falter as her words escaped her mouth gave away the small bit of fear that was beginning to rise.

"You seem like you doubt us," Ward replied with a chuckle, baring his fangs slyly as he stared the woman down. "How about we go and see how many beds we can break?"

By the point that Y/N's y/e/c eyes landed upon the fangs in Ward''s mouth, her breath hitched in her throat. She could not help feeling the impending danger, and yet she was somehow intrigued by the whole situation as well. Y/N could not help moving her gaze between the two men that were trying to hit on her, noticing how handsome both vampires were. Blush rushed to her cheeks despite herself, and she felt her mouth dry.

"I know what you are," she spoke, before mentally chiding herself from using the cliche phrase from the movie itself. Though Y/N, the specimen that caught the attention of two separate vampires, was not particularly a fan of the franchise itself, she had seen it. The words simply fell from her mouth, and once they did, she watched as both men smirked more.

"The differences between the little movie and us are simple," Ward chimed in, his red eye never leaving the woman. "Jacob and Edward are both vampires, and we want you to take your pick sooner than later. Oh, and we also don't fucking sparkle." He chuckled at his own words, and sent a glare over to his companion. "Haven't you gotten the newsflash, Jacob? Bella's choosing me."

"I'm sure this tantalizing woman has her own free thinking mind, Edward," Watch bantered in return, rolling his red eye. He emphasized the word Edward, almost in disgust, though his smirk never faded from his lips. "And I'm curious to hear what this sexy woman's name is."

Her y/e/c eyes shifted between the two, before finally landing on Watch, as he had been the one with an actual question. Due to her own nerves, she had to force the small word to slip past her lips. "Y/N," she said, meekly tripping over her own name. Just as in the franchise of Twilight, the woman wondered exactly how she would choose, though it was such a spin choosing between two vampires. Either could easily kill a mortal like her, and yet, she had this feeling neither of these handsome men planned on doing so.

"Watch," the elder looking of the two said with a smirk.

"And I'm Ward," the blonde stated, his lips seeming to curl upward the slightest bit more.

Feigning confidence, the woman allowed her own lips to curl upwards, despite the blush that still adorned her face. She was sure the blush was placing her in more trouble, being surrounded by two vampires, after all. Forcing the words from her throat, she could feel her chest tighten in the slightest bit of fear as she listened to her own words. "There's an easy solution," she said, "I choose both."

The men glanced to one another, before glancing back at the y/h/c haired woman. Though she had been blunt, and both could clearly smell her fear in the form of her heart pumping faster, allowing her delicious blood to circulate through her body at a faster rate, it was still tempting. After a silent conversation, simply with the two's eyes, Ward was the one to speak up.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" He said with an amused tone.

"Let's get out of here!" Ward cheered quietly, throwing Y/N a wink. "Twilight's stupid. They could have solved the whole fucking movie like this."

Watch chuckled as he followed behind the two, placing a hand against the mortal they were escorting out of the bar. This was the first time the two would share a mortal, and Watch could not help allowing his mind to wander at the possibilities. Taking a small stray glance to the y/e/c eyed woman, he was sure if he was human, he would be blushing. 

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