The Venture Bros Oneshot Collection

Guild Resistance (Watch x Reader x Ward)

You had pushed yourself up the ladder over the years in the Guild of Calamitous Intent, finally landing yourself a spot on the Council of 13. This was wonderful to you, until this ever so important meeting with the Sovereign was under way. Councilmen were being picked off left and right, causing a great deal of panic to ensue.

"And the children weep for their king," one of the councilmen, well, woman, was saying as you entered.

"No, just no," you could hear Phage saying. "Ice no idea what you're even-"

"Who has left the poison web-" she continued.

"That sounds like how insane people talk," Phage said, agitated.

"Wander in darkness with 100 blind eyes," she finished, causing you to roll your eyes. You felt lucky that you were just a silhouette to everyone, otherwise your annoyance would be readily apparent.

"Where is everybody?" You could hear after councilman one had entered. Why the Sovereign pushed for discreet, when you all knew who you were, was a little excessive. It was clearly Doctor Mrs. The Monarch, and yet you could not even give her a nice 'hi, Sheila'.

"Finally, a head that makes sense!" Phage commented.

"Because I've been spouting nonsense this whole time as well," you said sarcastically, crossing your arms in distaste.

"I didn't even know you were here, councilwoman two," he said in an exasperated tone, causing you to chuckle. "You haven't stopped bullethead from talking wacky."

You rolled your eyes, saying, "I couldn't find the mute, I'm sorry."

Bullet head continued to speak as Doctor Mrs. The Monarch said, "Yeah, she speaks in the communal language of the colony when there's trouble."

"I'm here, I'm here," another head spoke. "I'm sorry, I was listening to confessions. It was getting mighty saucy, so I...hey, where is everyone?"

"Councilmen," the sovereign's floating head spoke upon phasing in, causing everyone else to go silent. "You are witness to this guild's finest hour, but I need you all with me to succeed."

"All what-," Phage started, "Four of us?" Bullet head started to complain, before he quickly cut her off. "Like I'm gonna count you!"

"Shh!" Doctor Mrs. The Monarch and yourself both said simultaneously.

"Tonight, we take what is ours," the Sovereign continued. "Over our heads floats Gargantua-2, stuffed with our enemies like so much ripened fruit. Tonight, my loyal servants, we shall pluck it from the sky and crush it into pulp!"

"You're all crazy!" Phage complained. "A fruit metaphor, really?"

"Silence!" The Sovereign's voice boomed out. "That's...actually an analogy, not a metaphor, FYI." Clearing his throat, he continued. "Prepare for battle, reach for glory, and plan for blood."

None of you had signed up to break treaties. This was not how the Guild of Calamitous Intent was supposed to run, and yet the Sovereign himself was ordering you all to break the OSI treaty and cause mass deaths. On top of all of that, if you defeat your enemies, what was next? World Domination? It was such a strange, unnerving plan, and you could not follow such an atrocity. Something with the Sovereign was off now, and it makes your skin crawl.

"This is unprecedented behavior!" Sheila proclaimed quickly, much to your relief. "There are over 200 treaties with the OSI that make any such action completely..."

"Ridiculous?" Phage cut in. "Boneheaded? Unfuckingbelievable?"

"Practically suicidal," you added in uncomfortably.