I didn't think I was going to be helping carolyn summers with her physics homework. it wasn't until she pulled out her notebook that I knew this wasn't a hookup and she was still uninterested.
part of me feels relieved, while the more prominent part feels irritated at my own stupidity. she has a boyfriend, and even if they are having minor trouble, carolyn doesn't seem like the type to cheat.
and then natalie had come in. I've known natalie since we were in kindergarten, after all in greenoaks there's only one small public elementary school, and two high schools. you tend to know everyone your age fairly well.
natalie's family were greenoaks royalty, the richest, whitest and most charitable. meanwhile our family had a besmirched reputation due to kirk's exploits.
seeing her was like a kick in the gut, last time we interacted we were both wearing all black and her icy blue eyes were watery and and my body felt too numb too even cry.
I did cry a month later, as my family pulled out of our driveway in our minivan, while moving trucks followed carrying our furniture. I was to spend my last year of high school in a private school in washington.
I never though natalie would come to the university of toronto, she had seemed like the type of person who would attend an ivy league school, considering her parent were surprisingly influential despite living in one of the most boring places on earth and her attitude showed it.
kirk had referred to her as the "princess of greenoaks," quite a bit. I privately referred to her as "the snow queen," due to her icy demeanour which had now melted away, after kirk's death she suddenly became one of the warmest people I know. pity changed everyone.
but she was here and I was conflicted as to wether I want to seek her out, or actively avoid her. considering the size of the campus I was unlikely to ever see her unless I tried very hard, making the last option more appealing.
then again, she was a piece of home, my real home and not the small cramped apartment in d.c. but the friendly and somewhat elitist town of greenoaks, ohio.
thursday morning I found myself making my way to class with my hands shoved into my windbreaker and my head bowed against the wind. it was a dismal day, march wasn't the prettiest of months in toronto and the gloom was infectious.
I was a good ten minutes late and the class still hadn't started yet was almost full. carolyn was talking to professor columbus and seeing her as usual sent a stab of excitement, love and sadness through me. a deadly combination on a thursday morning.
I was unnoticed and sat at the back, my location in all my classes for the past week.
it's been a lonely week, morgan is furious at me for leaving her alone at the party and when you're best friend is mad at you you realize how unsocial you really are pretty quickly.
carolyn finishes talking to professor columbus and we have eye contact, she smiles at me and my muscles form a smile on their own as if they've been hypnotized.
she wastes no time sitting next to me except for a pause to pick up her notes and bag from the front row where she had previously set herself up.
"my physics teacher was very impressed with me," she states as she sits down, "apparently I show a lot of potential."
I laugh, carolyn is obviously very good at english since professor columbus favours her, but an hour of tutoring has opened my eyes to her academic downfalls.
"here's to hoping you'll keep showing potential," I respond while shuffling through my knapsack for my notes from last class.
"I was hoping that too until she handed out a new assignment," she sighs, "professor chow doesn't mess around."
"do you need help?" I say the sentence almost a little to eagerly but carolyn doesn't notice. she grabs my arm excitedly, and all I can smell is her cinnamon bubblegum.
"you're a lifesaver," she thanks me then lets go of my arm, which feels like it's been charged with electricity.
"I left my notes at home," I mutter, "oh fuck me."
carolyn looks up from her's, I feel an urge to tuck one of her stray hairs behind her ear but restrain myself. that could annihilate every shred of friendship we have.
"we'll share," she offers, angling her dark blue notebook towards me, "it's payback for helping me with physics."
after class I sling my bag over my shoulder and I'm about to leave until carolyn stops me.
"wait for me," she commands jokingly whilst packing up her notes.
I oblige and watch her cram her notes into her black knapsack wordlessly she slings it over her shoulder, tucks the strand of stray hair behind her ear and smiles at me.
"I'm going to adam's dorm," she explains, "I'm sure you'd be welcome."
"wait what," I say in confusion, I'd blanked out while watching her but I could've sworn she had invited me into adam's dorm.
"unless you're busy? my physics stuff is due tomorrow and I'm busy tonight so if it works out better we could do it tomorrow morning," she asks.
"oh no I'm free," I say quickly, "let's go."
