anger suited carolyn well.
red-faced, screaming with a crazy glint in her eye she had taken on someone substantially bigger than her in height and width. I was impressed.
though, the way she had melted afterwards was heartbreaking.
she looked defeated.
I hope I never make anyone look as small as she looked once the door had closed and the fight had left her. even after I had kissed her on the cheek (my conclusion: a spirit took over my soul for 5.7 seconds) she still looked like there was a weight on her shoulders crushing her bit by bit.
she was one of the two people dancing around my thoughts.
I sat in a starbucks near the university after a dull lecture on chemistry working on a report to summarize the lecture, it was a fairly simple task and a fairly simple and horrendously boring lecture but my mind was on morgan.
my best friend, or potentially my former best friend, was sleeping with my crush's ex-boyfriend.
what a situation. I could be thanking her for splitting them up but that would just feel wrong, especially seeing the effect it had on carolyn.
I was also concerned for morgan. morgan is (or was) one of the nicest people I know and while staring at my laptop screen I came to the conclusion that something was wrong with morgan.
something or someone must have hurt her in a deep way to drive my quick-witted, ethical friend into that situation.
as I think back to that morning I remember her face as she stood in the doorway. there was something in her eyes, a dullness to them.
yes, that was it. morgan's brown eyes were always shining, no matter what she was doing, her eyes were never lifeless.
I closed my laptop victoriously. forget that shitty essay, morgan needed me whether she knew it or not.
I speed walked to morgan's dorm, I arrived breathless and sweaty, internally praying I didn't see adam considering this was also his dorm.
I knocked on her door, working hard to ignore the doubt biting at my stomach. what if morgan was alright and I was imagining everything?"
"come in," called a voice muffled by the door.
I entered stiffly. at first I only saw willa, morgan's roommate, studying at their dining table smiling at me but soon my eyes found morgan, curled on their cheap couch with her nose in a book.
"morg?"
she looked away from her book hesitantly and when she saw me a cold expression fell upon her face.
"come to defend your girlfriend?" she sneered at me in a very draco malfoy sort of way.
"no," I said calmly, "I came to talk to you. I'm worried about you."
"well don't be," she grabs her book, a harry potter very predictably, and returns to it.
"I'll give you guys some space," willa says nervously gathering her stuff and retreating to the solitude of her room.
"morg," I say trying to get the brunettes attention.
she ignores me and keeps reading.
"morgan," this time my voice is sterner but she sits reading with a straight face.
I lose my temper after repeating her name for the fifth time and stamp up to her and wrench the book from her hands.
"fuck you," she snaps, standing up and crossing her arms defiantly she looks at me, "what do you want?"
"I'm worried about you," I repeat.
"you already said that you brain dead fuck," she spits at me.
"I don't understand why you would sleep with adam."
"so you are here protecting her," morgan rolls her eyes, "you're such a pathetic love sick puppy."
"Well at least I'm a decent person," my voice raises, her lovesick puppy comment hit a nerve, "unlike you, you're acting like such a bitch!"
"Oh yes, defending your poor carolyn," her words drip with sarcasm, "why are you so fucking obsessed with her? she's boring and not interested in you."
"she's also heartbroken," I spit back, "and it's your fault."
"my fault?" morgan raises her eyebrows at my accusation, "I didn't make adam sleep with me. he would have done it with someone else anyway if I hadn't said yes."
"but you knew he was dating carolyn," I retort.
"of course I knew, she's all you ever talk about," morgan yells, "get a life or better yet a fucking personality outside of her!"
"are you jealous of her?" I ask, my voice has dropped to its natural volume at morgan's angry response.
"no!" she stops, tears fill her eyes, "well maybe I am, maybe I want someone to care about me as much as you care about her."
"and do you really think adam cares about you?"
"he cares about me more than derek," she says finally after a considerable silence.
I remember the whole reason I went to that party, to help morgan introduce herself to derek hastings, "what happened?"
"he rejected me," she wipes her tears away and composes herself, her face is flushed from anger and I imagine mine is much worse, "he laughed at me too. I shouldn't have invested so much into him."
I nod, "I'm sorry I left you, I should have stayed," I say.
"and carolyn had just ditched adam," morgan continues, "we had both been ditched and I needed to feel love and adam wanted to give love."
she shakes her head quickly as if trying to rid her mind of the memories.
"are you guys together?" I ask cautiously.
"no," she pauses, "he invited me over for a "movie" tonight but I'd much rather stay at home and watch tv."
"could I watch with you?"
"yes, of course," her eyes light up as we sit down together and channel surf. we've just landed on modern family when morgan turns to me.
"syd?"
"yeah?"
"I'm sorry for calling you pathetic. and for saying you had no life or personality or.." she trails off, "I'm sorry for everything really."
"morgan?"
"yeah?"
"I'm sorry too."
"shhh it's a jay and gloria scene. you know those are my favourite."
