there is a fairly simple reason to why i'm kissing some random guy on some random couch in some random house.
natalie had politely asked me if I wanted to party with her, I knew she was just asking as a formality but I said yes.
this wasn't the best distraction admittedly, I'm still thinking about adam.
adam is a better kisser, adam would like this party, adam has the same couch...
the guy pulls away and I wipe my mouth with my sleeve, his kissing technique involves a lot of spit.
"want to get out of here?" he yells over the pulsating music.
"no, sorry," should I be apologizing? I'm not sure. this is very unfamiliar territory. but the thought of having sex with him isn't particularly appealing due to his vacant expression and his sloppiness.
he looks at me dumbfounded for a few seconds then leaves quickly, disappearing into the crowd.
"alrighty then," I mutter under my breath. I feel vague disappointment that he left, at least he gave me something to do.
I leave my resting place (I swear adam has the same couch in his dorm room, this one just has a more pungent smell) and navigate the crowd of people until I locate the kitchen.
the kitchen was the hotspot at the beginning of the party but everyone has spilled into the living room except for a few stragglers, including natalie who stands in a corner with a boy. the two are giggling and whispering which is far more intimate than blatantly making out.
"hey, natalie," I awkwardly interject. natalie turns around with a piercing look that could crack an iceberg.
"how can I help you?" she snaps, eyeing me critically, "I'm a little busy,"
"I was just wondering when we'll be going home," I ask, trying to seem a little less stiff, "no rush though."
"oh," she smiles with dramatized guilt, "I'm going over to ted's tonight."
"but you were my ride," I say rather stupidly.
the blonde rolls her eyes, "well then find someone to drive you. I'm not your babysitter."
she promptly returns to ted who looks overly smug to have someone as attractive as natalie attached to his arm.
I navigate the crushed beer cans littered around the kitchen, make my way through the throng of people dancing wildly until I'm out of the stuffy house and I feel the clean night air circulate around me.
I remember just over a week ago when I deserted a party, and found myself sitting with syd against a fence, discussing my lacklustre relationship with adam.
why couldn't I have appreciated him? why had I been so stupid and pushed him away from me?
a tear rolls down my cheek but I quickly wipe it away and compose myself, I'm done crying over adam.
I need to talk to someone.
Before I can properly process what I'm doing my phone is pressed to my ear as I listen to it ring, until the ringing stops and a familiar voice fills my body with a warmth.
"hello?" syd's voice is muffled and there's an intangible background noise.
"it's carolyn," I suddenly realize how stupid this idea was. what am I even supposed to say?
hi, I'm sad and alone at a party. I want you to make me feel better.
that's not exactly a prime conversation starter.
"oh, hey carolyn," he says after a silence, "what's up?"
the noise on his end stops abruptly and I think I hear a girl's voice.
"I'm just, um, with some friends," I lie, something that doesn't come naturally to me, "what's up with you?"
"I'm at a friends' dorm," he says, "we were just watching a movie."
"oh," my voice is levelling out and my shoulders loose their previous stiffness, "what movie?"
"the avengers."
"I've never seen that movie."
"What?" his sudden voice change jolts me and I almost drop my phone, "it's an amazing movie!"
"I've never read the comic books," I explain, "why would I watch the movie of something I know nothing about?"
"I've just lost so much respect for you," he says dramatically, "it's a film that appeals to the avengers fan base and those who know nothing about the franchise, it's also one of my favourite things on this earth."
"I might give it a try," I say dubiously, "are you free tomorrow?"
"oh, yeah, yeah," he stutters a bit, and I think I hear a female voice say something urgently, "of course I am. I'll text you tomorrow."
"ok," I answer as a smile rapidly forms on my face, "see you then."
"yeah, ok, see you then."
"have fun with your friend."
"you have fun with yours too."
we hang up and the happy feeling at the pit of my stomach has somehow made my surroundings seem brighter.
**
sorry this chapter is kind of boring, i don't like writing carolyn very much tbh. syd is the interesting one in this relationship.
