Why me ?

💫85💫

Pt.2 from 84

I told storm about what Harmony Said while we where at the park and she said we would talk to her

We got the little ones to bed and sat down with harmony in the front room

"Ok bebe, you asked to meet your father. And we are gonna talk to you about this but it's a sensitive topic for mommy ok" I start

"Ok momma"

"Ok so, you do sex Ed in school don't you?" Storm says

"Yea a bit"

"You know how babies are made ect, well this man who is your biological father one day I was walking home and I was only 16 and this man restrained me and forced me to do it with him"

" oh my god mommy, I'm so sorry" she said hugging storm

"It's in the past, and you where the best thing that ever happened to me"

"And momma I'm sorry for being so harsh at the park, I completely understand now" she says and hugging me

"It's ok, but please be a little bit nicer there is a lot you don't know"

"I will" she replies and pulls away

"Right come on, it's past your bed time" I say getting up

We walk to her room where I tuck her in bed

I grab the uke and sit at the end of the bed

"Momma I don't need a lullaby no more, I'm almost 9"

"Hey, dONT call my music lullaby's, and yes you do" I say

I sing her a little song then kiss her on the fore head and say goodnight then walking out the room after wards

"Did she sleep ok" storm asks me when I walk in the room

"Yea. For now"

"We really need to take her to a doctor for her anxiety again"

"You say this but you refuse to see a doctor for your anxiety and your ptsd"

"But I'm grown I learn to live with it"

"Not when you up at 3 am thinking someone bout to kill us" I reply and sit next to her

"Yes well at least they are not as bad as when lulu was a baby"

"I remember on tour you where shouting at me thinking I was using you and gonna hit you"

"It's scary ok bubba"

"I know and I hate that you have to deal with it"

"Can we go to bed im tired"

"Of course we can" I reply

Mentions of suicide read at your own risk

-few hours later

I woke up and storm wasn't there so I checked the time and it was 3 am

I hear rummaging round in the bathroom so I get out of bed and go to see what it is

I carefully open the door to see blades and pills everywhere

I look over to see storm sat in the corner on a ball crying

I rush over to her checking her body for blood

"How many did you take?" I say still checking her body

"Bubb-"

"How many did you Take Storm"

"3 until I heard you coming in" she said sobbing

She's shaking uncontrollably while I'm fighting back tears

"Did you hurt yourself"

"No"

I pick her up and take her to the bed

"No I need to do it, I have to" she says trying to crawl of the bed

I just hold her like a bear hug so she can get out

"You can't keep me here!"

"I'm sorry baby, this is for your own good"

When she calms down my grip slowly loosens until I just have an arm round her as she cry's

"Why are you doing this?" I say

"I can't handle it, she said I had to do it"

"Who did"

"She said I had to do it or she would kill all of you"

"Who storm!"

"My mother"

"When"

"Last night"

"It was a dream baby, just a dream"

"But what about the kids I don't want them to die"

"You need to trust me in that they are not gonna die ok"

"But but-"

"Shhh, just let it all out im here forever"

"I can't cope with this anymore"

"We are going to see the doctor again, this is next level. Trying to commit suicide isn't what you want"

"I don't know anymore billie, I just can't cope with this"

"Yeah you can, you are strong, you has 3 little precious kids, you can do anything"

"I'm so happy you woke up"

"Me too baby, me too"

I wait until she falls asleep then I just start bawling

This is too much for her, this it so unfair

But I know she doesn't want to die, she loves her life too much

This is heartbreaking to see

I fucking hate it, but I love her

I love her so much honestly

Next time skip is gonna be another few years later