Why me ?

💫97💫

Storms POV

I wake up shaking once again and notice billies not in bed

My anxiety and ptsd disorders are through the roof lately and it's getting to the point I cant go to lulus shows or help them compose music

And Billie can barely help me calm down

I just feel like everyone is getting fed up with me at this point

I decided to go for a walk for a little

I change into a sports bra and sweats, putting on a thin shirt over my sports bra

I grab my phone and AirPods and walk out the room, being careful not to drop my phone from my shaking

I walk out to see Billie on her phone on the couch

I walk up to her and kiss her cheek

"I'm going for a run, back in a hour"

"Ok baby, be careful and call me if you need anything"

"I will" I say walking out the door

I put my phone in my pocket and out my AirPods in and start to run

My doctor suggested runs in the morning to calm down

Even though all the things that he suggested hasn't worked yet I'm going to try anyway

After about an hour or so I stop at a little store and buy a bottle of cold water and sit on a bench drinking it

My phone starts to ring and I pull it out

Wifey ❤️💫 would like to call ...

I send it to voice mail, not that I don't want to talk to her

She's meant to be helping the girls get ready for a performance and I don't want to be a distraction

That's all I feel like lately

A distraction

I know they all love me and all but I can't help but feeling in the way and being annoying

So sometime I feel it would be better if I stayed out the house for a while

I get back up and throw the empty bottle in the bin and continue my run

I finished my run and realised I didn't want to go back to the tour bus because no one would be there but me

I decide to just continue to walk and call Claudia while walking

"Hello?" She says from the other line

"Hiya, just wanted to talk as we haven't in a while"

"Ok cool, lucky for you Finn just took the boys out somewhere. Maddison is at a friends house"

"I really miss you, it's only been a month since we saw eachother but your my sister and I really do miss you"

"I'm gonna guess your anxiety is playing up"

"I mean if that's what you wanna call it" I reply and shrug my shoulders as if she could see

"It's ok, just vent to me"

"Like I have my family here, apart from mateo. I just can't help but feel as if there is a hole in my needing to be filled"

"Yea I get it, when I first had Elijah I was like that, even though I had everything I needed right infront of me. But what made it better was I started doing more work, like not to stay away from the kids but to have something else to do instead of being a house wife"