Vikings x Reader

Catboy! Ivar The Boneless would include...

A/N: Yes, this is absolutely fucking wack and makes no sense at all. No, I will not explain. Just take it and go.

- Oh god, he's the worst

- The absolute worst

- This boy needs attention

- All the fucking time

- If you take your attention off of him for more than a full minute, he'll start complaining

- He has this tendency to sit outside the shower while you're showering

- He'll just sit there and scream at you

- And then has the audacity to throw a fit whenever you actually bring him in the shower with you

- He's an asshole, really

- He'll make full eye contact with you as he slowly pushes your favorite vase off the coffee table

- That'll teach you to nudge him with your foot when he's in the way

- He likes to be tall

- So expect to find him sitting on top of your counter

- And god forbid you have bookshelves

- He can and will knock everything down to make space to sit

- How did he even get up there?

- Anyway, he'll also lie down on things when you need them

- Your sweatshirt, your phone

- Your fucking car/house keys

- Ivar does this mostly when he knows you need to go somewhere

- "Ivar? Have you seen my keys?"

- He'll shrug, but will definitely grin when you face away from him

- Keep away from corners

- Because this fucker will jump at you and knock you over

- He does this to your guests as well

- Imagine a grown-ass man with cat ears, a tail, and two non-working legs coming at you full speed from a dark corner

- It's absolutely terrifying

He likes acting all tough around guests

- He stares at them menacingly from his spot next to you

- Nobody is allowed to touch you

- He'll bat their hands away and hiss

- Literally. Fucking. Hiss.

- He doesn't give a fuck who it is

- A parent? A sibling? A partner?

- His little bastard hands don't discriminate

- He hates everybody that isn't you

- HOWEVER

- He will definitely answer to "psspsspss"

- He'll be mad about it, but he can't really resist

- He sleeps on your bed

- He doesn't care that he takes up most of the space

- Ivar tosses and turns and stretches in his sleep

- You're left trying not to fall off the edge of the bed

- And if you had a dollar for every time this sleeping shit "accidentally" smacked you in the face while stretching, you'd put Jeff Bezos to shame