The White Dove

Chapter 13

Friday 30th of May 2008

Despite wanting to tell Dove of my moving out plan, I never got a real chance.  When I'm with her, she's always bubbly and energetic talking about everything. She surprised me even by reading about astronomy and the many names of stars she knew. I never had a chance to interrupt her and tell her that I'm leaving for good. Day by day passed and I avoided the subject until the situation has gotten tough now.I knew well that I  can't possibly wake up tomorrow and leave without telling her. All of my belongings were packed and ready to be unpacked in my new flat.
A soft and familiar knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. I walked with a heavy heart to the door opening it for Dove to enter. When her eyes scanned the room, she looked at me questioningly after seeing the boxes I have packed. Her lips didn't move, nor did a sound came out from her. Just pure silence and blue eyes filled with many unspoken questions.
"I was going to tell you, I'm moving to London." Ever so slowly her eyebrows rose a tiny bit before her expression melted into a poker face. Obvious pride and dignity covered her voice as she said.
"I see that this is the bad news you didn't want to mention yesterday, right?" and she managed a tight smile on her lips. "Yes," I murmured.
"I don't see why you postponed telling me unless you planned on never doing so," Her tone sounded like one who felt betrayed. "No, Dove, I just..." My hand went through my hair as if looking for words in the back of my mind. "Can we just clear things up now?" I plead only for her to cross her arms over her chest as if putting a barrier between us.
Her expression was not that of anger but it was no joy either. Just neutralism was pure on her face. But her closed body language indeed indicated anger and closeness. "Sure what do you want to discuss?"

"Can you just stop acting like this? I know your mad, Dove. And I'm sorry for not telling you earlier." I explained to her under the sharp gaze she was giving me. "If I hadn't come today, were you ever going to tell me?" Her voice was not angry as she asked the question.  "Yes, I was," I said firmly. I never planned on just leaving her behind and moving on with my life. My life was only meaningful now because of her presence in it.  "Can you just sit down, please?" Her posture and the way she was standing with her arms crossed was getting on my nerves. She did as I asked and sat down. Her eyes were still eyeing me with multiple questions reflecting from her wide eyes. "I'm not mad at you, Louis. I'm mad at your actions."I let her words sink deep, and watched her eyes soften slowly while looking into mine. I understood now how we can sometimes care for someone but still be mad at them. Not for who they are but for things they did and for their wrong decisions. I took a few steps toward her and took a place beside her on the couch. "I'm not leaving for good," I started, "I mean I will literally leave for good, but if I'm still welcomed at your place, I'll visit regularly, if you still want me to." 

  "Louis, I'm happy for you, but you defiantly don't have to come all the way from London just to spend time with me." She said genuinely, missing my point. "I don't have to but I want to," I said firmly and took her hand in mine. The warmth of her skin crept through mine making time slow down. "No don't do it. Go to London and don't come back until you're rich and famous."

"What?"

"You had your aim from the start and I won't be the obstacle." With that, she pulled her hand from mine, stood up, and was about to head to the door. "No wait,"  I held her by the arm careful not to tighten my grip. "You are my aim, Dove, you're what's missing from me." Time slowed once more, as if my brain needed a photograph, a keepsake to give me strength in the times to come. Then, after time unmeasured, her hand caressed mine, bringing me back into the moment, as if her smooth skin was my clock, the only time-keeper that mattered.  "Just go, Louis. I'm not angry with you; I promise. And I'll always wish you the best of luck," In a situation like that, I didn't know what to say. But what to do was certainly something I knew. I pulled her by the shoulders and kissed her. Time did not just freeze at this moment, but the memory and the sensation were planted in my mind as though the feeling of her will remain with me forever. With just one kiss, I could feel the world falling away from us. It was not like the kisses you see in movies, but one that stepped into passion that was soft and comforting in ways that no words could ever be. The kiss obliterated every thought that bothered my mind. For the first time in forever my focus was locked into the present. When her arms slowly wrapped around me, I could truly tell she wanted this as much as I did.  I let my hand caress her cheek as my other hand was resting on the small of her back. The worries of the day evaporated and I had no wish for the kiss to end.  However, it had to end one way or the other. We slowly pulled away from one another. I stared deep into her ocean blue eyes and cupped her cheek that was slowly turning red. "I thought you'd never do that," She managed to say with a smirk.I remembered how it also took me quite a time to merely ask for her name. I smiled sheepishly with my hand scratching the back of my head nervously, "I guess it took me a while, yeah,"

"I guess postponing is your thing, eh?" She joked half-heartedly. "Yeah, I guess so."
"We good?" I asked one last time."Always. But I need to go now," were her last words to me. With a sincere smile on her face, she left me straddled and in swift motions, she was gone. She wasn't mad, she wasn't upset with me. Her smile was warm and as real as it could ever be. But she simply left.