The Ex's

Chapter One: Oof

Once upon a time a chick name Petunia got hit in the face with a shovel. "Ouch!" She rightfully screamed out, the perpetrator that did it was none other than her ex; Dilbert! "You fuckin asshole! You just hit me in the face with a shovel!!! What was the reason?!" She screamed at him. "I dunno, I assumed it was Hit Petuina with a Shovel Day..." "...WHAT!?"

A confused Dilbert just stood still; his mind wandering off, still holding the shovel. And Petunia looks at him; disgusted, furious, and most importantly in agonizing pain! Just as she was ready to lunge at him; "Oh! You know what!?" She froze as he had an epiphany; "Its not Hit Petunia with a Shovel Day!" She still looked at him, confusingly.. he stayed paused for a total of 2 minutes, much to her annoyance. She snapped at him, "Well what day is it then, bitch!?"

And at that moment, his entire face changed; from a silly goofy look to an almost satanic look, his eyes are blue but in that moment... they turned pitch black!

Annnd on top of the drastic change. .. his voice went from a silly goofy Homer Simpson/Peter Griffin hybrid voice to... a satanic evil lord!

He turned his head towards her; with the new look and voice, Petunia's world was rocking! She was definitely shooketh! He said satanicly "Its BLAST Petunia with a FLAMETHROWER..." as he said this, he somehow whipped out a flamethrower out of his back pocket! It was turquoise and had banana stickers all over it! Also... it was BIG!

Petunia's jaw dropped and her eyes were so widened that her pupils looked like lil chocolate chips!

"Wha.., w-WHAT?!?" She said speechlessly..

Dilbert then pointed the flamethrower at her and let it loose; immediately setting Petunia on FIRE!

She screamed and started running around in a frenzy; she could immediately feel her skin burn and melt! So much pain, Petunia was in.

"FUCK!!!!" She cried out.

All she could see was flames, however; she caught a glimpse of Dilbert (who was once in a satanic state, has now reverted back to being a goofy fella) who watches while the flamethrower rests on his shoulders. "Crispy ex baby!" He said with cheer. "That'll teach you not to touch my porn!" He said with a stern tone.

And then.. as Petunia was beginning to char some more, she stopped flailing and looked at him with an angry look, not even knowledging the fact shes still on fire. "I did NOT touch your stupid fuckin porn Dilbert!" Dilbert's goofy face, turned into confusion.. "Wait, what? It wasnt you??" Petunia stood there with her burnt arms now folded; still on fire, now the blazes were slowly beginning to subside, as if she's absorbing them...

"NO YOU FUCKIN IDIOT, WHY WOULD I TOUCH YOUR PORN FOR!!!? YOU DONT TOUCH MINE!"

It dawned on Dilbert, it made perfect sense! "Oh shit, you're absolutely right!" She glared at him; now the flames were out and smoke was still steaming off her entire body. Outta nowhere Petunia delivered the perfect slap across Dilbert's face, the slap was so strong, his face became like rubber and stretched as far as his skin would allow!

"This is why we broke up, cuz you're a literal dumbass.." Petunia said while steaming and charred; her pinkish skin, her purple pixie hairdo gone to shit.. her bright violet lipstick color was still visible though.

"Yeah, I know.." said Dilbert; who's disappointed face was on the floor after being stretched.

*End of a potential Story; Ch. 1*