The Ex's

Chapter 4: To DonkeyWorld!

Jumping ahead; 5 years into their relationship, Dilbert and Petunia's first vacation to DonkeyWorld is certainly a story needed to be told...

"Dilly, hurry! We're gonna miss the BUS!" Petunia yelled out to Dilbert, while quickly tying her shoelaces. Dilbert fumbles down the stairs shirtless with two suitcases in each hand, "Almost done, almost done! Just gotta put my DonkeyWorld shirt on!" He whips out a shirt from his back pocket and proceeded to put it on. Once it's on, Petunia smirked at him. "You look so cute Dilly!" Petunia gushes; Dilbert blushes and lowers his head in bashfulness, "Awe, Tunia... Stop it." She keeps hyping him up. "My lil' Dilbert Pickle looks so handsome with that Donkey's Ass on his tummy!" She gushed again, holding her hands to her face, like a lovingly mother does as she looks at her perfect little child. "Tuniaaaa.." Dilbert said embarrassingly, he was getting flustered. She egged on "You are so cute, y'know?" "Yes, yes. I. Do.." Dilbert said. She kisses him on the tip of his bulbous nose, and he hugs her tightly.

Once in their Nissan Cube; Dilbert begins fiddling with the GPS. "Xia, please guide us to DonkeyWorld!" Xia the GPS boots up and says, "Calculating.. Calibrating.. Searching.. For a fuck to give. Please stand by.." Petunia snorts at the GPS and buckles herself in. Dilbert adjusts his seat; but as he does,  he becomes agitated. "Have you been driving the Cube lately?" He asks Petunia suspiciously, she looks over at him innocently, "Um.. yes and no..." He looks at her and shoots her a glare, "Petunia, what have I told you about adjusting my seat?" She immediately cuts him off; "Don't you dare quote Norbit!" Then Dilbert giggles; "I fucking love Rasputia." As he starts the car. He backs out of their driveway and they set off.

On the road; Petunia is munching loudly on a granola bar, getting crumbs all over her cleavage. Dilbert frequently glances over and smirks at this; he also sings along to his favorite song; Sandstorm by Darude. They travel for miles; making a pitstop to a gas station. "I'm getting some candy and gas, you want anything?" Dilbert asks, getting out of the car. Petunia; taking selfies on her phone, doesn't look away, "Sure, I'll take some Pringle Dingles, some Pubic Chips, and you can pick out any energy drink for meeee." She says happily, she then does the "duckface" pose and examines the picture; she then looks annoyed and deletes the picture while mumbling "You fucking ugly bitch..."

Dilbert greets the cashier; "Hiya pal!" He says waving at the man. The scruffy-bearded, 6'2, bubble gut man looked at Dilbert and rolled his eyes and goes back to looking at his Muffin Top Babes magazine. Dilbert gathers all the snacks and makes his way to the coolers; he then becomes flustered. "Oh dear, which color do I pick?" There's a multitude of energy drink colors; Dilbert looks at all of the colors, he then turns to the cashier... "Um.. sir?" The cashier doesn't look up from his magazine; but replies, "Dafuq you want?" Dilbert pokes his head from behind the Cheeze Nip aisle, "Which colored energy drink should I get for my gal?" The cashier pauses and comes from behind the counter and slumps over to Dilbert, "Well, what color does she like?" Dilbert shrugs; "Red... but surprisingly there isn't any sooo... beats me." The cashier glares at him, "Dafuq." He yanks the door open and grabs a random color: BlackPink. "Here, this one. It is a fan favorite after all." Dilbert examines the drink and grins slightly; "Okay. Say thanks mister!" The cashier gives Dilbert a thumbs up, "Sure thing, also... the name is Bubba Up-Chuck by the way." Dilbert then smiles and shakes Bubba's hand.

Meanwhile; Petunia is now trying to clean up the many crumbs by licking her fingertips and picking at them. "Yum." Then another vehicle stops on the other side of the gas pump. Out steps two dark and mysterious males; dressed in Men in Black meets The Matrix, latex suits. Petunia immediately notices and continues to sneakily look at them, one of them inserts the pump into their car while the other goes inside. The first man makes eye contact with Petunia; she shyly smiles and waves; he looks at her in disgust and turns around; offended, Petunia rolls the window down. "Hey there." She says aggressively, the man side eyes her and looks away. Petunia becomes aggravated, "Hey!" She unbuckles her seatbelt and leans out the window. "Sir, I'm saying HEY to you! Dont fucking ignore me!" The man turns and looks at her; still disgusted, "Fuck off." Petunia's eyes widen and turn pitch black, "Motherfucker!" She get out of the car and walks towards the man; before she can do anything, the man throat punches her outta nowhere! She grabs her throat and falls to her knees trying to gasp for any air. The man looks down at her and takes the pump out. He stands before her and kneels to her face; "Petunia. Can you not?" She may not be able to say anything but her eyes look at the man in horror.

The second man enters the store and grabs nine packs of chewy gum; Dilbert and Bubba are chatting at the register, when the man slams the gums down, "How much are these?" Both Dilbert and Bubba pause and look at the man; Bubba snickers at him, "That'll be $36.92." The man nods and reaches for his credit card. As he does he side eyes Dilbert; Dilbert notices and tilts his head, "Boo?" Dilbert says as he puts his hands on his hip. The man looks at him oddly; "Tea Licker." Dilbert glares at him, and turns towards Bubba, "Thanks for the help man." Bubba stares at them both then; it's as if a lightbulb went off in his head, 'BOOTY LICKER!?" He then busts out laughing, Dilbert looks at Bubba and then... the man strikes Dilbert across the face! Dilbert grabs his face in pain. "Asshole!" He screams at the man, Bubba comes back to his senses and notices outside the same man attacking a woman outside and quickly grabs his shotgun from underneath the counter and points it at the man. "Watch yourself!" He says as he clocks the gun. Dilbert looks outside and sees Petunia in danger! "Tunia!" The man then snatches the gun from Bubba and immediately blows his head off. Bubba was a big man so all his blood splatters the entire place; covering Dilbert and the man, Dilbert screams in horror while the man then points the gun at him. "Dilbert, get to walking!" Dilbert confusingly obeys and walks outside.

Dilbert quickly comes to Petunia's aid, she's still gasping for air but she grabs Dilbert and starts crying. Dilbert yells at them; "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO AND HOW DO YOU KNOW OUR NAMES!?" The two men look at each other and chuckle in unison; the first man tilts his head while the second one still points the shotgun at them both. "You both are cordially invited with VIP tickets to DONKEYWORLD!" The first man then grabs tickets and a VIP pass out of the briefcase in their car. The second man lifts the gun into his shoulders and gives them a thumbs up. Dilbert and Petunia glare at them, Petunia finally catching her breath; screams at them... "YOU STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKERS! I CANT BELIEVE THIS!" She then points at the first man; "YOU THROAT PUNCHED ME YOU SHITHEAD!" Dilbert screams at the second man and flips him off, "YOU JUST KILLED BUBBA!" Both men look at each other and then laugh it all off. "Yeah..." they both say. They then waved goodbye to Dilbert and Petunia and get in their car and roll down the window; "See ya soon!", they said together. And then they drive away. Dilbert looks at Petunia and helps her up, "You okay babe?" She rubs her throat and nods; "I'll be okay, you? Also whom is Bubba?" Dilbert sheds a single tear and bites his fist, "A good man. Rest in Paradise." He says as he looks up at the sky. She awes him and grabs a tissue and attempts to wipe the blood off of Dilbert. Dilbert grabs the tickets and VIP pass and examine them as they get into their car. Petunia, takes the pump out and puts the cap on.

Now in the Cube; Dilbert starts up the car, "Xia, Destination DonkeyWorld please." As Xia responds; Petunia looks in the bag of goodies, she then slaps Dilbert on the chest in disgust. Startled; Dilbert says, "What the hell!?" "I DONT LIKE BLACKPINK!" She says as she hold the drink. "Rosé is DISGUSTING!" Dilbert rolls his eyes and slumps over in his seat. "Then go into that massacred gas station and get what you want!" She is taken aback, but gets out and leaves. A few minutes later; she skips back with many drinks in a bag, "K, lets go." She says happily, while wiping some blood off the palms of her hands. Dilbert chuckles and takes the BlackPink drink and sips it. "Aye how I like that!"

End. Chapter 5 COMING SOON!