The Ex's

Chapter 2: Porn & Podcasts

One fine Wednesday morning; Petunia woke up early, before her alarm... much to her annoyance, "Ugh! it's 10am and my fucking alarm doesn't go off till 11:26!" She usually will set her alarm at a weird time just in case AND for shits and giggles, but to no anvil.

"Whatever!" she shrugged it off, "I'm just use this extra time to watch my porn!" Petunia happily; got out of her bed and put on her favorite sexy, silky lingerie. She then opened her middle dresser drawer and reached deep in the depths upon a bundle of socks and retrieved her most prized toy: The Anal-Lingus!

This fella is bright red; and looks like a vibrating ball and chain! The ball goes in the ass and the stick goes in the... yup! Anyways, its a small size of '4 inches, BUT it has two buttons that can change that immediately; Petunia's favorite size is...

Petunia smiles with delight and gets back into her bed with her pal in hand. She places the toy off to the side of her and grabs her phone to go, firstly; into the incognito setting and then enters her all time favorite porn site (YouSexySlut.org) and signs into her sexy account, and goes to her favorites.

She skims thru and slowly begins to simulate her self; she gets turned on just by looking at the thumbnails! First she grins with desire and rubs her nipples back and forth; immediately erecting them. Not too soon after; she finds her all time favorite bust: BLILTF (Big Lady I'd Like To Fuck) sucks down a Fat One! Hardcore/Explicit.

WATCH NOW!!! it says; "Absolutely" she moans

She sets the phone up so she doesn't have to hold it (because The Anal-Lingus takes TWO hands to handle!) and activates her pal.

The vibrations and pulsations are extreme; and that's how she likes it since she paid for the customizations for it thru the website! (also red is her favorite color, food, and bodily fluid!)

She watches the video for a split second and soon begins to insert the toy inside her, she immediately feels sensations all over her and with that; she begins masturbating.

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MEANWHILE

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Dilbert has been up since 5 a.m.; not because he has to work; no, Dilbert has no job. "The world is my job!" Dilbert says "What does that even mean?" says a random folk; Dilbert looks at them with confusion...

He's been cruising around driving to local pawn shops; selling things from Petunia, so far he's made $100 bucks from selling her used panties (that he's kept unbeknownst to her)! He's also been cruising around just to waste gas.. which is what he's doing right now; Dilbert drives a garbage truck, that he earned from his elder cousin; Sid (don't worry folks, Sid is not a character here, but Dilbert insisted on shouting out to him. Here's to you Sid!). As he drives on by, he waves at people who wave back at him. Sometimes they wave at him with happy faces, other times, very pissed off looks. He's often wonders: "Clearly they woke up on the wrong side today, such a wrong side they're bringing their trashcans out and sitting them at the curb and such!"

Clearly.

Dilbert is listening to the podcast: Love? Never heard of it... with The Two Dicks: Ricky & Rick currently and as he does all of a sudden the broadcaster host named Ricky says "Do you honestly think your ex lover EVER gave a shit about you? From the moment ya'll fucked, did they truly love you?" Dilbert 's face turned sour, "Meh." he says; Petunia and Dilbert have been together for 12 years. Sure they ended on super bad terrible terms, but Dilbert still has a soft spot for her, he respects her just enough to... "FUCK THEM! THEY ARE TRASH, THEIR FAMILIES TOO, I DONT CARE!" Ricky rants out, Dilbert snaps back to reality. "Ricky fuckin' calm down!" says the second host named Rick calmly. "NO! LISTEN TO ME LISTENERS!" "If they're still tuned in.." Rick mumbles, "GET RID OF THEM FROM YOUR LIFE! TOXIC, NEGATIVE, THEY SUCK! AND NOTHING WOULD PISS THEM OFF MORE IF YOU TOLD THEM IN PERSON!" Dilbert looks intrigued. "Um, Ricky... what?" "YES!" Ricky screams louder; (The Star Spangled Banner has been playing since his rant in the background..) "GO TO THEM, FIND THEM THRU IMMASTALKTHATASS.com! VISIT THEM AND DESTROY THEM!!" "RICKY STOP!" Rick pleads, "DEATH TO ALL EX'S!" Ricky screams multiple times and soon his voice begins to fade into the background; he must have gotten up and got carried away with it. "Um, folks that'll be for todays podcast, um... don't listen to him.. er.. he's getting help I swear." "DEATH TO ALL EX'S!!" "Bye...!" The podcast ends to a car insurance commercial. All of this just happened, and by golly; Dilbert was extremely affected. "Yes, Death to all ex's!" he proclaimed! "Death to Petunia!" It was like he was subliminal messaged! He was so focused on the podcast, chant, and murderous thoughts for Petunia; he didn't notice a old lady tapping on his window. Once he snapped back, he turned to her and rolled down his window.

Dilbert smiles "Why hello the-" "Sir, you're not only NOT taking care of my garbage, you're also just sitting here on my fucking lawn." Dilbert looks confused. "Are you gonna move or what?" She puts her hands on her hips with a sternly pissed off look on her face. Dilbert says "Ma'am, I'm not a garbage man. Matter of fact I don't have a job at all! I-" "Well what the fuck then huh?" She yells at him. "Get off my lawn then you garbage man POSER!" Dilbert's face goes from peaceful to annoyed. "Yes ma'am, sorry" he says as he begin starting his truck. As he begins rolling up his window, the old lady also complains; "And FUCK that radio show The Two Dicks! So fucking rude!"

It was as if Dilbert had an on-off switch in his body; just by mentioning the podcast; whether it's the name or the chant, Dilbert was ready to throw punches! He rolled down his window, and without looking at the lady, said "Ma'am?" She wasn't too far away so she was able to still hear him; she turned towards him with an annoyance look. "What now poser?" Dilbert extended his arm and snapped his fingers like Thanos...

All of a sudden; her nine trashcans bursts into flames. She turns and looks horrified "OH MY GOD!!" she screams, neighbors look in horror as well, not knowing how to react after what they just witnessed. Dilbert still in a trance; gets out of his truck, climbs on top of it and yells "DEATH TO PETUNIA!" Everyone is scared. Dilbert then climbs down, and snaps back to his goofy self and looks around as if he doesn't know what happened. "Oh shit." He says confusingly. "Welp..." the old lady looks back at him with a shocked face, "Gotta go!" He gets back in his truck and drives away.