suicide

Stop and think

I couldn't take it anymore! So I walked up to the roof of my apartment building. I know people usually write suicide notes apologizing for leaving them/for who they were but im not going to apologized who made me want to die. I got on the ledge of the roof and sat down, debating on whether or not to jump. My friend rosy found me and yanked me by my hair, she pulled me away from the edge.

My desire to die just got stronger over the years. This all started in third grade. I don't remember why I wanted to die at such a young age. All I know is that while I was in class, at the lunch table, or just sitting in the playground. I would get my safety scissors and try to stab my stomach. Since I was 8 I didn't know that they couldn't puncture my skin, so I only had bruises on my stomach. I got caught by my friend, Christy, she took my scissors and told the teacher even though I begged her not too. The teacher didn't believe her because I was a good and happy child to everyone around me, even my family.

Ever since third grade, my mental health hasn't been great. I ended up getting split personality disorder, anxiety, different kinds of phobias, depression, and an eating disorder. I tried to forget it but when I went to sixth grade something triggered my eating disorder and I got treated for it. Something about that made 3 of my split personalities come out. All I know is my outgoing personality josh came out, my violent crazy personality emerald came out and i ended up attacking my friend in class, last of all my emotional side came out his name is will.

Then in eighth grade I was sexually harassed but this wasn't the first time. It happened twice before eighth grade. I ended up beating him, I lost control and I was ready to kill him because if I didn't fight back I would've been raped, I thought. I say no to every guy who asks me because I am afraid of being taken advantage of. So to keep people in place I show my threatening side.