suicide

Just let me go

After my second suicide attempt, my family sent me to a "special hospital". I was confined to my room when I got there. They took everything because I'm a danger to myself. I couldn't even eat by myself because they were afraid i would kill myself with the utensils. They were right, everything i got, I thought how can i use this to kill myself.

I was stuck in my room. I didn't have the same privileges as the other patients. I couldn't go to the common room, or the cafeteria. People brought me my food and my pills. Everyday i had to take two sets of pills. I never took my pills, I just hide them behind my molars. I spit them out right after they leave. I spit it out and hid them under the trash can.

After a few weeks I had enough to overdose but i can't take pills without water. I have to wait until lunch. They gave me my water bottle and left. I grabbed the 32 pills under the trash can. I tried to do them all but I gagged and threw them up. I tried to do it again but then the nurse came in and took everything.

I have been sitting in my room for a long time, I stopped keeping track of how many days passed. They finally let me out of my room, my legs hurt because I haven't walked in a while. They had a piano in the common room. They sat me at the bench, and I started to play. I stopped playing when I tried to kill myelf in third grade. I started to play but freaked out because it just brought back painful memories. I started to bang my head on the piano. I was crying.

I was removed from the piano and put into a padded room. The padded room became my permanent room for the time being. I had a therapist come in weekly.

I was in the padded room for years. I was finally let out. My therapist told me to give this paper she signed to the receptionist. After that they took me home. I walked into the house but everything that happened just hit me.

I ran to my room and looked out the window. I saw a faint but visible blood stain on the road. My heart started racing. I went to the bathroom to take a bath to cool myself down.

Tomorrow was my seventeenth birthday. Yea i've been in the hospital for seven years. I kept having outbreaks, I kept freaking out.

My brother and younger siblings came in, my younger siblings hugged me but my brother gave me a disgusted look.