suicide

The second attempt

       Warning: This chapter is graphic and may trigger some people.

My first attempt at suicide failed. My second attempt at suicide happened in fifth, after i was raped. I was going to the arcade after school because it was nearby.

i asked my mom and she said "yeah'

I was only allowed because the arcade was near my brother's college. I just had to wait in there until five. While I was walking I stopped at the liquor store that was around the corner. I would go there to get snacks and drinks but on that day there was this weird guy standing beside the welcome sign. When he spotted me he had this weird smile on his face and I tried to avoid him when I entered the store. I got my candy and sprite quickly because I saw him watching me in the corner of my eye. When i got to the cashier, i signed the petition on the counter saying "the guy over there is watching me"

The cashier saw him and told him "no loitering and if you're not going to buy anything get out."

The guy caught my gaze and he just stood there staring at me.

The cashier saw what he was doing and how it made me uncomfortable, so he yelled "Get out now"

The guy glared out at him then left but just to be sure i stayed there for thirty-minutes. When i left the cashier gave me his pepper spray and said "To keep you safe" He smiled.

He walked me out to make sure that guy wasn't hanging around still. I put one earphone in my ear so I could at least hear if someone was following me. I thought the guy left but when I turned the corner to the arcade he was standing there, smiling. He saw me and ran towards me.

I screamed "HELP!!!"

But the people around me just stared and recorded it. While i was running I called my mom but she didn't answer. I started to cry, I started to lose my breath and that caused me to slow down. I quickly called my brother and right when he picked up my phone died. I started sobbing, I couldn't control my breathing. At this rate he was going to catch me. I turned the corner and I hit my knee on this metal bar sticking out of someone's yard. I heard my knee crack and I fell to the floor. This is it, he would turn the corner any second now. He saw me crying on the floor, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

I bit his back. He grunted in pain and threw me on the floor. I hit my head on the wall behind me and he grabbed my head and started ramming my head into the wall. I felt something warm and I realized it was my blood. He took a cloth out of his pocket and put it on my mouth. I ended up passing out. When I woke up I was in a nightgown. you could see everything through the night gown. I tried to cover myself but my arms were handcuffed together.

The guy walked in with nothing but boxers. He climbed on top of me. My legs were in between his. He squeezed his legs and my knee throbbed. I forgot I hurt my knee. He was leaning over me, making sure the handcuffs were tight. He picked me up and put my handcuffed hands over his head and put me on his shoulders. When he did that he put my knee in the perfect place. I moved my knee slightly then kneed him in the balls. He let go of me and grabbed his penis. I took the chance to try and run away but I fell on my face because of my knee. He got off the bed and grabbed my bad knee. He picked up my injured leg and lifted his leg over and stomped on it over and over. He got over me and lifted up the night gown. Took off his pants and started to hit me then he put himself inside me. I sobbed because I was getting raped and I couldn't stop it. That night I kept trying to get away but I ended up suffering.

I was gone two nights. When my mom saw me, she tried to hug me but I flinched. My mom had me describe the man to the police. After that my mom kept trying to touch me and I hit her. I didn't mean to. I had to go to therapy because I had a traumatic experience. I went to therapy for a month and half and during that time, I couldn't stand the touch of another person. It made me sick, I wanted to die. I still have nightmares about that night. During two weeks of therapy, it didn't seem to be working. So I thought dying would be the only way to escape.

First I sterilized myself so i could never bear a child because if i ended up having his kid, i would've been horrible to it. Plus i would never have a child that was caused by my rapist. Then i went outside. I started to walk into oncoming traffic. I didn't get hit instead i caused an accident that resulted in one man death. I called the cops to report the accident than i left.

I couldn't believe a man died and it was my fault. I don't understand why they couldn't just hit me.

During dinner I grabbed my knife and slit my wrists under the table.

My big brother saw the blood pool and said "Go to your rooms" to my little siblings

He picked me up and put me on the couch while my mom called the ambulance. The doctors ended up saving me but I just want to die.