Winters&Knight

Part Thirteen| Your Voice is a Weapon

{Arabella}

He kissed me.

Troy Knight kissed me. I touched my lips, and I could still feel tiny zaps of electricity. Why did he kiss me? 

My heart beat exhilarated. I looked at the door, and wondered why he just left. But that kiss shouldn't have happened. I am not going to get close to anyone again. Not after Jayden, god no. I picked up my phone at the table, and looked through my contacts. As soon as I found Lyric's number I called her. 

"Lyric... Are you there?" 

***

It felt like an eternity since I have last talked with Lyric. I missed her, and whilst I was talking to her on the phone, Jayden's arrival wasn't a surprise to her. In fact, Lyric was a little shocked at how soon he arrived instead.

After talking to Lyric, my mind wandered back to Troy's kiss. It felt so good, yet it was so wrong. But the kiss was a mistake, and I have to tell him that. I walked upstairs to my bedroom, and collapsed onto the bed.

***

The light streemed through my windows, shining on my face. My eyes fluttered, at the warmth of the sun. I felt a scowl slip onto my lips as I though of how cheery the weather was today. It should be as miserable as me, I thought bitterly.

I got up, and went inside the bathroom to take a shower, brush my teeth, and changed.

***

When I got out, my hair was damp and I was wearing a navy knit sweater, black skinny jeans, and my all black Converse.

I had to tell Knight that the kiss was a mistake, today. My palms grew sweaty at the thought of confronting him. My brain knew that I needed to do this, for myself, for my benefit, after all it was just protecting my heart. Yet my heart, scarred, and darkening still felt as if I have a chance. To start fresh, all new and shiny. But I don't have that luxury, and I didn't think I ever would. Jayden broke me, and he broke me so well that I still haven't found most of the shattered pieces. I shut my eyes, and tried to stack all the horrid memories that made up my wall. It reminded me everyday, that I deserved what I got. It reminded me of how ignorant and naïve I was. How I shouldn't have trusted someone so easily.

When Jayden left, so did my parts of myself. He took my happiness, my ability to live, to love. My heart shattered completely, and still to this day, all the pieces were scattered and lost. Yet from him breaking me, it also taught me something.

It taught me not to trust someone so easily, not to hand my heart in such open manners. But most important, it taught me to be strong. At the time, no matter how broken I became, I put Jasmine and Lyric before myself. I taught myself how to not be vulnerable, how to put a smile on myself, yet on the inside, I was crumbling. My insides were rotting, blackening, and hardening. I built the strongest wall I could've, and kept myself busy.

But Troy fucking Knight was tearing that wall. Brick, by brick. 

***

I genuinely like school, I liked learning and how much the work got me distracted. But as I stood in front of the brick red double doors, I realized that there really wasn't any type of work that can keep me distracted.

I stood for 10 minutes, starring. I gathered the courage that was left inside of me, and walked slowly towards the door. My hand grasping the cold, metal surface of the handels. My heart slammed against my ribs, as I opened the door. In my mind I was stacking the bricks that made up my wall. And I felt my blood freeze. 

I was already late for class, and I didn't care. Instead of getting a late pass and walking towards chemistry, I walked towards the library instead. As if some sort of string was pulling me towards the doors. I opened the door to the library and there stood Jay. My breathe hitched, but I composed myself.

Jayden Emerson sat in a big red bean bag. He was engrossed in a novel, with his glasses on. He never had his glasses on, expect whenever he was with me. The plastic item brought back memories that were hidden deep into my mind. I noticed how he ran his hands through his deep chocolate hair, and even from afar, I saw how his caramel orbs glistened in the sunlight. I hated myself for this trait, for noticing every detail about a person. Suddenly unwanted feelings bubbled inside my chest, and my hands itched for my camera. I quickly turned around.

I hoped he didn't notice how loud the doors slammed, and my quick shuffling feet rushing to open the door once more. I felt suffocated, hesuffocates me in ways I didn't think one could be suffocated. My luck soon ran out as I heard steps behind me.  My eyes soon were clamped shut, as I voiced silent prayers. I felt two hands on my waist and warmth engulfed me.

A quiet, but sharp gasp came out of my mouth and I soon faced Jayden. My face blanked out, and my ocean eyes turned into frozen ice. But he always saw through my facade.

"Arabella, I almost didn't see you." Jayden's eyes glistened, as if they were two small spheres of sunshine. And I remember why he was my sun, and I his moon.

His hands tightened around waist and we were so close. "Please, take your hands off of me." I touched his hands with my own and pryed them off my waist. His eyes shone hurt, yet that emotion flashed away as soon as it arrived. Despite him not touching me, I still felt his hands burning through my waist and engulfing my bones.

"Can we talk? Please?" His voice almost pleading, and I nodded as a sign of consent. I just had to hear him out, just once.

"I am so sorry Bella I really am. I know how much pain I've cause you and the others and I know what I did was wrong, and hurtful but it was never my intention to. Arabella I love you, you used to be my moon, and you still are." His arms were around me, and he pulled me in. His head nestled between the crook of my neck and he breathed me in. And godI've missed this so much, I could feel my heart explode. But this couldn't happen, not anymore. Jay's lips brushed my neck and I shuddered. He faced me, and his hands went to the sides of my face and then we were kissing. Our kisses were galaxies and stars, bursting and reforming only to burst again. He tasted of sunshine and Jay. the kiss was heated and he kissed me like a soldier returning from war to kiss his lover. And I guess that's what I was, his lover. I kissed him back, and it then suddenly felt like a goodbye kiss. As if all my memories of him were washing away and suddenly all I could was Troy Knight, and his starry eyes. Not Jayden's pools of sunshine but Knight's stars and moons. I kissed Jay's cheek, jaw, and neck. Then I pulled away.

My eyes started to burn, and I didn't feel like his moon anymore. I felt like a meteore, that was swallowed by a black hole. I ran my hands through my hair, and somehow I managed to string words that changed everything.

" I, I love you Jayden, I do. And I forgive you, because I think I'll always forgive you no matter what. But Jayden I'm not in love with you. I may forgive you but that doesn't mean it fixes everything, it just means that I have had enough and I am so done. You still hurt me Jay and I am not your moon anymore. You, you are not my sun anymore." By then my world crashed down and I didn't have a sun anymore.

I fell into a world of darkness, and even Troy Knight couldn't pull me out.

***

A/N omg guys I am so sorry for not uploading in such long time! I deeply apologize, its just that I have a lot going on right now and watt pad is so far off my list of to-do's. Hopefully I can update in the next month since I do have my spring break in two weeks. Ugh NYC public schools suck :'(  Now regarding this chapter, I think this is one of my longest! But anyway, Jarabella or Trabella? Hmm I can't decide...

Until next time, and happy reading,

Janna xx