The Problem Family | Namjin

Fight pt. 2

I cried myself to sleep that night. I can't believe that I did that. I'm so stupid. Maybe us getting out is not that important. Maybe I did deserve the beatings Josh gave me. Maybe I don't deserve Joon or his love. I deserve to be alone.

Jin POV:
It's been a week and ½. I've been in a real slump lately and I make sure to hide it from everyone. Now I see where Hoseok learned how to do it from. I cry at night while in the day, I'm my same happy bubbly self. The only thing different is that I have pains in my heart all the time.

I mean I still have my kids, my family, Josh's parents, Jisoo and my friends, but something is missing and I know that that something will never come back. 

I sigh at my thoughts and take another gulp of the bottle of alcohol in my hand. Did I mention that I started drinking? Yea, I always hated drinking after Josh, but now it's my only way of relief. I drink every chance I get. 

I would never drink on the job or while the kids are awake, but the lights go out, the bottles come out. My life is basically run on coffee, fear, alcohol tears, and pain. It's my new normal life. But I'll get through it because I have to. For my kids, my family and friends. I'll be fine.

Namjoon POV:
It's been a week and ½ since I've seen Jin. I miss him but I hate him at the time. I don't know why, but I- it's complicated. He has texted me everyday, but I ignored him. I want to text back and make everything ok, but something stops me every time. It's the fear of him being mad at me and losing him. I know it's not true, but I listen to it.

The boys have asked about it, but tell them it's grown up problems. They don't need to know and worry about this. This fight because I was in pain and wanted everyone around me to be in it too.

But that's not right. Everyone has the right to feel how they feel, but I completely forgot about that and hurt the person who I care for so much. I want to make up with him, but I fear what's rightfully coming at me. I don't know how to fix it. 

I fell asleep thinking about that. Well in my dream, I was hit by the same white light when I saw Jasmine the first time. I saw her walk out and she didn't look happy.

"I know, Jazy. Just tell me how to fix this." I say to her.

"You just need to go to him and be with him." She tells me.

"Yea, but won't he hate me?" I ask her.

"No, he never hated you at all, Joon." She told me with a smile.

"Thanks, Jazy. What would I do without you?" I say to her.

"I know, Namjoon. But you need to hurry to him before he hurts himself." She said while looking at me with a concerned face.

"Hurts himself? Jasmine, what do you mean?" I asked, very concerned.

She just smiled and disappeared. I woke up from my sleep in a cold sweat. I was breathing heavily and my heart was racing. What did she mean by himself? Is Jin hurting or planning on hurting himself?

I jumped out of bed and got dressed. Thank God the boys were at my mom's house, so I didn't have to waste time with driving them there. I quickly got into my car and drove over there.

I got out and knocked on the door. No one answered me. But thank God I have a key to his house. I unlock the door and walk in. All the lights are out. I looked around.

"Jin?" I say as I walk into the house.

I get no answer and continue to walk throughout the house. I saw that the kitchen light was on, so I walked over to it. I walked into the kitchen and saw Jin laying on the ground.

I ran up to him "Jin? Hyung! Come on, Jin." I say while shaking him.

He groans and opens his eyes. He smiles and giggles to me "You're cute." He said while grabbing my face then sitting up and leaning against the counter.

"Hyung, have you been drinking?" I ask him after smelling alcohol on his breath.

"Only a little bit." He said with a giggle and does the hand motion with his hand "Hey you remind me of my boyfriend, Namjoon. Well my ex boyfriend, we're not seeing each other anymore."

Hearing that made my heart break "Why do you think that?" I ask him.

"Because we got into an argument where some things were said and we hate each other now. Well he hates me, I tried calling and texting him apologies but he ignored it. I still love him a lot, I wish he'd return it, but he never does."

"I feel pain because of this. It feels like something important is missing from my heart. It's Namjoon and his kids. I just want to hold him and tell him that I love him. I want us to get aside our differences and be one again. But that will never happen, so now I drink." He said as he reached for the bottle of booze.

"No, Hyung. You don't need any more alcohol." I say to him sternly and take the bottle from him.

"Why not, it helps me to forget. It's one of the very few things that keeps me going. He promised to never leave me and he did. All my fears came back, I don't want to feel this way anymore. It's a horrible way to live. Josh is out of and he knows where I live, he has sent me things. I can't protect my kids if I can't even protect myself."

"He hates me and I know it. My life is run on fear, coffee, alcohol, tears and pain. So much pain and fear. Too much for me to handle. He brought me the gift of feeling safe, but now it's gone. So, yes, I will drink, so I can stop feeling like I never deserved him, stop feeling like I deserved everything Josh did to me, stop feeling the fear and pain everyday. So I give me my bottle back." He said while crying.

I couldn't say anything. My heart hurts so much. I caused him this much pain because I was ignorant. I just hugged him tightly and started to cry.

"Jin, I'm so sorry for everything I caused you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I was just hurt by your comment, but I made that comment to you first. So I'm sorry for leaving you, Jinnie. I'm sorry." I say to him.

"Joonie?" He squints his eyes "I was talking to Joonie this whole time. I didn't even realize, I'm too drunk." He said while holding his head.

He sat his head on my shoulder. "Jinnie?" I ask him. He didn't respond. I looked down at him and realized that he was asleep while softly snoring.

I picked him up and carried him upstairs. I undressed him and put him in bed and did the same thing with me. I grab his waist and pull him close, never wanting to let him go. He and his family are apart of my world and I can't lose any pieces.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please stay safe and healthy. I'll try to keep my normal update schedule but no promises. I purple you all 💜 💜 💜