Xander

The Past (17)

Sobbing.

Everywhere I looked, there were tears trailing down a person's face. But it was an observation through my own glossy vision.

I inhaled the chilly, frigid air as I trained my eyes on the descending coffin. The pure white coffin with pink roses sat on the top. Without realizing it, my tears began to fall.

A few feet away, my mother's loud sobs could be heard. Loud, vicious sobs that rattled her entire body and knocked her into my father. Even the most heartless person would be able to feel her pain at the sight of her.

A pastor was nearby, finishing a prayer before letting the silence weigh down on everyone surrounding the new gravesite.

"Why? Why my baby? My baby," My mother's weeps sent chills through my entire body. The rest of her words were indecipherable through her sobs, so I turned away and looked at the graves sprawled for miles.

All I could think about was her though. Chloe McCrae. My five year old sister. Her chubby chipmunk cheeks that became prominent whenever she gave her brightest smile. How she always insisted to either have her hair in a braid or two pigtails. How one time, I bought her a purple princess dress and she refused to take it off for three days until I convinced her to with her favorite ice cream: rocky road.

And how she always loved when I told her stories about whatever she wanted: Dinosaurs and Vampires? No problem. Girl who falls in love with a horse who turns into a prince? Piece of cake. I almost smiled, but remembered where I was and the situation, and instead of of a smile, it was tears.

I stood there for a long time. That's all I knew, because after a while I looked up and the whole area was clear. Everyone left, including my parents. I could remember only slightly Xander telling my parents he would walk me home, but the thought left soon after as I recalled the night of the accident.

I could also vaguely remember hugs, words of encouragement and apologies, but nothing would ever make what happened better. I lost my sister. My five year old sister who had so much to live for, and didn't get to experience any of it. I would give anything to have it had been me that night, and not her.

Minutes turned into an hour that I stood near my sister's fresh gravesite. I didn't remember sitting underneath a nearby tree, but one moment I was standing, and in the next I was a distance away from her. Why did she have to be gone?

I could still her shrill giggling and youthful laughs. Her toothy smile and her active enthusiasm. Before I knew it, I was the one sobbing. Because a life was taken that didn't deserve it. All because of a slippery road and reckless driving.

Through my blurred vision and loud sniffling, I felt a presence beside me. Xander.

He didn't speak a word. He just sat beside me that day, underneath that tree, for as long as I could remember. He had a tux on, black and white and pristine. Entirely composed and emotionless. But I knew how he worked. Chloe was like his little sister too; he was hurting.

After a while, I felt myself stand. It was an almost out-of-the-body experience I was so out of it. Xander just stared at me for a few moments before interlacing our fingers and leading me out of the cemetery. We walked silently, a broken girl who was drowning and a boy who was her slowly deflating life raft.

He led me to my aunt Amelia's tree. The one that became ours the moment we became freshmans. We would typically climb it and sit side by side on a branch, but that day we sat beneath it- like the tree at the cemetery.

I stared at the ground, trying to process my jumbled thoughts but I couldn't interpret any of them.

That night. Saying goodbye to her. The ringing of the house phone filling the entire house. Aunt Amelia's swollen eyes and red nose. The hallway light blinding me as it shone through the darkness of my room. The confusion I felt before I woke up completely, panic consuming my mind.