A DARKER SILVER LINING

BAILEY'S POV

My punch bag ... So rich in its pineapple flavor. With every puff, I put in all my frustrations. All my pain. All my tears. The old library had some vibe to it. The lonely kind... and I liked it. Being alone had a calming effect on me. I was myself. And now that Jason wasn't here, my only friend was a blunt. At this rate, I would easily fuck up a whole bag with so much ease.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know they'll be no more tears in heaven.

It's eerie how song lyrics were relatable to situations. Both mum will dad were gone. I wondered if they'd remember my name when I saw them in heaven. The feeling of alienation and loneliness was too much to bear. I wore all the scars like it was yesterday. How would I replace her love? How would I replace his care? How would I move on?

They say goodbye is not the end. And I would take with me the memories to be my sunshine after the rain. A downpour I knew would never end. Grappling with change isn't easy. Adapting to being an orphan all in one year was harder. I knew they were long gone. But I still wanted to cry out. As if the wound was fresh. Nothing had ever left me quite this sore.

Digging into my pocket, I took out my pendant... Inside the heart locket was a picture. Mum had given it to me that night. While we watched the stars. The stars give false hope though. It was a small picture of us all together. All smiles. Happy. Alive. Well.

At the sight of this, all the tears came streaming down. I didn't even have any more tears left to cry. By now, the blunt was all done. I watched as the remaining piece burnt out on it's own, oblivious of the fact that it would burn my fingers a little. The pain was nothing compared to what I was feeling inside.

A nudge on my shoulder. I didn't want to look at who was there. Sliding my headphones off my head, I sat still...unable to move. I probably looked like a serial killer on the lose with my hair stuck on to my face , all complimented by an angry and sad frown on my lips. Moreover, my dark circles made me look like a crazy girl from hell. I had been crying all day.

The person seemed to have gotten tired of waiting for me to respond. Or so I thought.
A hand reached out. A pink hanky... I took it hesitantly. He must have guessed that I had been crying. The sobs were so evident. I couldn't even hide it.

Thanks

I Snickered.
Nate.
He was suddenly all nice. Looking up at him, I could tell he was trying to be sympathetic.
Why was he here anyway?
I thought this place was only known to me.
Guess it wasn't private and lonely anymore.

He had that look of concern written all over his face but for a second, I could see past his walls. Although he seemed so hard and calloused on the outside, I could tell he had some sympathy inside, even if miniscule.

Can I sit?

Yeah sure.

He sat on the floor beside me and there, we were all silent. He took out his phone and played rivers and rods. It had some calming effect on me.

You know you can talk about it of you want to...

He blurted out.

I'd rather not. I'm better though.

While speaking, I had been playing with the locket in my hands. I was so absent. The sound of it hitting the floor got me back to the scenario. It rolled down to his left foot. Without hesitation, he picked it up and in doing so, unlocked it.

Wow, y'all look happy.

I don't even know where the tears came from. The anger. The frustration. I swiftly picked myself up, turned away and broke down. Literally broke down. I felt my breathe hitch in my throat as the hot tears streamed down my face.

As if by instinct he followed and quickly stood to his feet. I could feel his breathe on my neck as he pulled me into a tight hug from the back.  I felt safe. The tears wouldn't stop flowing.

Shhhh! There there girl. Let it all out .

He knew the exact words to use to make me wanna yell out and cry even more. He then switched position so that now he was facing me. The entirety of his body faced me.

He arched my chin using his hand. And with the other, he wiped off a tear streak from my face. I could feel my tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.

A wounded heart heals in time. It's okay to be sad. Crying is all right in it's way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.

His words were true to the core. I had to accept and work on a way to be stronger. But I didn't have that. I was a mess. But I knew one thing, heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are the rain upon the blinding dust of Earth, overlying our hard hearts.

Moreover, crying in the street corners or worse, crying at the tearing of clothes was the worst type of weeping. All I knew was that soul contained more scar tissue than life. I was broken.

Thanks Nate.

With a small creep of a smile on his face, he pulled me in for another hug. A shoulder to lean on was all I needed to feel alive again.

So hey guys, the song's TEARS IN HEAVEN by ERIC CLAPTON. Well I saw it as a good fit since he sang it after his son's death.

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And I love y'all...