Silence Beyond Words

Notice Me

Norma's POV

Do you know that tingly sensation you get at the pit of your stomach when you're nervous about something? The one that doesn't go away, even if you try to? Some people find ways of dealing with that feeling that refuses to wilt away.

Some chew their fingernails off to no avail. A few don't stop biting until they see and taste blood. Others feel like they have been repeatedly turned upside down and choose to empty their stomachs, hurling everywhere like animals with no control over themselves.

Well, I feel like doing exactly that just now, biting my nails and hurling—even thinking about eating breakfast grosses me out. I was an expert on kicking that feeling aside and ignoring it for as long as I could. It usually goes away on its own if you set your mind to it. But at this point in my life, I did not know how.

It's not the first time it happens; this feeling is not new to me. It's happened before, plenty of times. Mostly every single time I had to pack my bags and go. You'd think that doing the same thing frequently, that it'd give you some comfort because you have an idea of how things will end - wrong. You never know if things are going to go according to your plan.

This is how things go, mostly for my mom and me. We are told what to do, where to go, and where to live. The power of the rich mutes our voices. Vincent, to be exact. A life ruiner. He ruins my life for a living, and the worst part of it is, I get no commission.

"Find the good in the bad, Louise," my mom used to say. Every time she had to tell me we were moving again, she tried to be as smooth and pleasant about it as she could. That didn't work out so well. Because no matter how hard she tried, my mother was always the bearer of bad news.

But today, that feeling inside my stomach is here to stay, and school is not creating it this time. The fear of starting somewhere new again wasn't either. The reason behind this feeling had a name, face, and incredible brown eyes.

The fact that this is happening to me is making me feel utterly ridiculous. And a lot foolish, I must say. But at the same time, I've never had to worry about feeling this way towards anyone, so I don't know if it's normal. If this horrible flutter inside my stomach is expected. All I know is that I'm not too fond of it. I feel abhorrent, and if my mom thinks I'm naive now, after today, she's in for a big surprise, let me tell you that.

I'm already changing; I feel it. Not failing to notice how I spent a little more time on my hair than most days, waking up thirty minutes earlier than usual to get that done. Not that I slept much. Those brown eyes kept disturbing me and disrupting my sleep.

I don't mean changing physically. I don't dare to wear any makeup. My face has been entirely free of those foul, hazardous chemicals, and I'm not about to start clogging my pores over a boy. Heck no.

Not that I own any. Mom has been trying to get me to buy mascara, at least. I refuse. 'Come on, Norma. Live a little,' she used to tell me. I would laugh at her relentlessly. Boo-hoo. Poor me. I'm living a monotonous life because I don't own an expensive tube of road pitch.

One thing I'm most proud of is my hair. My blonde, silky hair. My bangs play a big part in it. I don't remember if I got them because I liked and wanted them or because they were an excellent asset at concealing half my face. I don't spend time thinking about it, the answer to that is irrelevant because bangs or not, I still get ignored.

As I take another look at myself, I remember that Alex did not neglect this walking narrow, dull teenage disaster, which had to mean something. My head is in knots, not as much as my stomach, but I'm feeling a massive migraine approaching. Am I going to have to talk to him? I really don't want to. What if he doesn't speak to me at all today? What if he chooses to ignore me, then? I don't want to be reminded of that wretched feeling and my so-long friend called rejection.