Perception

XXXVI

Well. If she was going to do this, she might as well go all out, no?
She didn't know how long she'd been staring up at the ceiling for, replaying the scenes they'd had together over and over in her head, but she was getting sleepy and she didn't want to fall asleep before she'd done this.
So she got up, brushed her teeth quickly, and then she closed her door behind her and picked up the wooden box with the beads.
In a sudden burst of inspiration she remembered that she had a candle, somewhere in a drawer, and she quickly dug it out. She really had no idea if there was any call for one in this sort of thing, but there'd been candles in all the stories about the supernatural she'd seen, and there had been a thousand candles at the seer's house, right? It couldn't hurt, either way, could it?
So she breathed deeply as she lit it  quickly from the gas stove and put it in the holder that had lived in the drawer with the candle. For just a second she stared at the burning column of wax in front of her on her little dresser. Then she ran her fingers over the smooth wood of the little box and she took the string of beads out of it almost reverently, letting them run through her fingers, feeling their peace spreading through her.
She felt massively silly as she looked at the flame.
Seriously. You're talking to candles now?  For real?
At any other time she would have laughed her arse off at the idea of talking to this completely innocent flame, flickering slightly in the draft, but it didn't matter. She knew what she had to do.

"Please." she whispered to the flame. "Please, whoever is sending me these visions, whoever gave me these beads, please send me a dream tonight. A dream that's peaceful, without violence, but that gives me answers."
Which answers?  Something inside of her asked instantly.
"Er. I'd like to know why I met Eli. I'd like to know whether what the seer said was true."
She thought for a while, quietly staring into the flame until she saw three of them.
"I guess... I guess I just want to know what's going on. Why am I getting these visions? What does it all mean? Where is this forest? Why do I keep seeing it?"
She swallowed to choke back the sob, and when she carried on her voice was barely audible. It didn't matter, though. There was no one here to hear it anyway. "And can... can I trust Eli?"

She nodded to herself. Yeah, that would just about do it. So she stepped back slightly and blew the candle out.
She picked up the string of beads and crawled into bed tiredly, pulling the comforter up all the way to her nose. Tonight being alone in this little studio she loved so much wasn't comfortable, like it usually was. Tonight the space felt way too empty, too big, way too alone somehow, and of course she knew full well why it felt that way. It was because of who had been in it earlier. Who she had kissed in it earlier.
She clutched her beads to her chest and allowed the images of the evening back into her head now.
Eli and she, standing on the ferry in the dark, his strong arms around her, keeping her warm.
How she had raised her head to him, and how softly he had bent over to touch their lips together. How understanding he had been, because this man always seemed to know what to say. But also how taken aback he had been when he heard about why she panicked.
But then... he hadn't run, had he? He hadn't left. And he had told her he'd give her time.
In fact, he had told her how much he liked her, right here on the foot of this bed.
So despite all of the questions and the uncertainties, Anna drifted off into sleep with a smile on her face.