Perception

LXVI

Anna was worried the old lady would fall over, she looked so shocked.
In fact, she was slightly worried she herself might fall over in shock.
She called me Anna. She knows who I am.
"I... I..." she stuttered. "You're right, it's true, I'm Anna. Can I... can I ask how you know?"
The old lady nodded slowly and seemed to collect herself somewhat.

"Oh wow. Dear Anna. I can't believe you've wound up here, I can't believe you're all grown up. I didn't think I would ever see these again. I'm Adele, by the way." She walked the couple of steps over to her suddenly and picked up the string of beads around her neck, letting them slide through her pale fingers. The beads glowed faintly against Anna's skin. "She always, always wore them, you know."
Anna held her breath as the tiny woman let the beads go and sat down gingerly on a wooden garden chair by a beautiful little table, inlaid with Moroccan tile.
"Who do you mean when you say 'she'?" she asked, her voice almost cracking, because suddenly she knew, maybe she had known all along, she knew what Adele would be about to say.
Adele looked up at her with slightly milky eyes and a kind smile.
"Your mother, Anna, your mother. My niece."
She got up again and started walking into the cabin, putting the cane down with every step.
"I'm going to make some green tea. Would you like some? Then I will tell you more about her."
Green tea.
Anna felt like she was falling, falling into the deepest void.
Your mother, Anna. My niece.
Eli took her hand without words, and it was a beacon, it was a life raft.
She sat down on the other wooden chair in a daze and stared out at the sunflowers without really seeing them.
Your mother. My niece.

It seemed like only a second had passed when Adele came back out through the French doors, precariously balancing a tray with three mugs of tea on it in the hand that didn't hold the cane. There was even a pot of honey on the tray. Of course there was.
"You like green tea." Anna whispered. Her voice felt like it was coming through a haze, from underground, through piping miles away out to sea. She focused her eyes on the cup in front of her and tried to see it. It had flowers on it. As if there weren't enough flowers around the house yet.
Your mother.
"I can see this is a shock to you, Anna. I'm so sorry."
She opened her eyes with a start, the dampness of tears not far below the surface, and looked at Adele.
"Please tell me everything you know."
Adele poured the tea slowly into the cups and carefully put a spoon in each before she looked up again.
"I... don't know very much, I'm afraid. I was in Australia when it all happened. There... there was a car crash and your mother and her two sisters... I'm so sorry to say, they were all gone. By the time I heard the awful news and could make my way back you and your baby cousin had been adopted."
Adele looked her in straight in the eye suddenly, the milky haze covering water and fire. "I'm so sorry, Anna. I never had any children of my own. I was never very strong. I would have taken you, of course I would have, but they told me... they told me this was best for you. I have prayed to God every day since that they were right."

It would have been so easy to give in to the waves of pain that wanted to pull her under now, to go under and to stay there, trapped in a world of pain. To see a world in her mind's eye where she could have grown up with this sweet lady. But she couldn't, not yet. She needed to get as much information as she could, before giving in to the waves, already lapping on the shore.
They were wrong, Adele. They were wrong.