Perception

XLII

She pulled one leg under her and happily tucked into the bread roll that Eli had put on her enamel plate. There was soft, creamy brie on the fresh white bread dotted with sesame seeds, and even some lettuce. She could just picture him in a student kitchen this morning, painstakingly pulling leaves off an iceberg lettuce, and putting them on a roll he'd be serving her hours later. The image made her smile, and suddenly she started talking to him for real.
"Eli?" she asked. "Are you okay, with what you I told you last night?"
He looked up in surprise.
"Yes, of course I am." he said, but there was something behind his eyes.
"I know it's a lot to take in." she told him.
He nodded and he was quiet for a moment, gazing far away over the green fields in front of them.
"Will you tell me a bit about your past?" he asked then, suddenly, and she stilled.
The question was completely justified, of course. But was she really ready to do that?
But before she'd made a conscious decision either way the words started flowing, and she started telling him about the nightmare she had had that night. She'd never shared these dreams, not with anyone, but now she told him the whole dream, she left no detail out, and when she was finished there were tears in her eyes.

"Jesus." he whispered, aghast. "And that really happened."
Once again it wasn't a question.
"Yes." she nodded soberly. "Many times."
"Did... did anyone ever stop him? Did he go to prison?"
She shook her head. "No. It's surprisingly easy to get away with such things when you know how."
She could see how appalled he was, and it made her feel a little better.
"Is he... does he still have foster kids?" he whispered.
"No. He died a few years ago."
"How did you escape?"
She smiled wryly. "I managed to get into another foster home for the last few years. Then I went as far away from that place as I could muster. I got a place here at the university and I haven't looked back since."
He nodded severely. "Until I kissed you?"
She cocked her head. This man had such insight, it never stopped amazing her.
"You're going to make an awesome psychologist, you know?" she said then.
He smiled just as wryly as she had.
"Thanks. But... tell me... are you... are you sorry you kissed me?"
Her eyes opened wide of their own accord.
"Eli! Jeez, no, absolutely not. Of course not. It just... I hadn't expected my reaction. I'm sorry for it."

She scooted over to him so she was even closer to him. She could feel the images of the nightmare in the back of her head, but they seemed even weaker now that she'd told him about them, like the act of talking about them had taken some of their strength away. She could also feel the other images, the peaceful ones from the dream/vision thing, and she imagined the feathers around herself again, as she sat on the rough wooden bench next to this boy she liked so much.
The feeling of the feathers surrounded her and she looked down at her legs, feeling almost shy now.
"I wouldn't mind trying that again." she said in the smallest of voices.
She didn't look up but she knew his expression anyway.
"Are you sure? I don't want to rush you in any way."
She glanced up at him through her eyelashes and smiled at him .
"You're not rushing me."
She bent over to him very slowly, closing the last bit of distance between them, the feathers floating around both of them now, the sun beaming overhead, and she put her arms loosely around his shoulders. He automatically put his arms around her waist and gazed at her, waiting.
And then she kissed him.