Nowhere, With You

Chapter 4

∆ End of Flashback ∆

Marahas kong pinunasan ang sariling luha ng maalala ang mga pangyayaring iyon. It was a bittersweet experience for me but I already buried it long time ago.

"Ugh! That jerk!" tukoy ko kay Kuya Xander. I woke up just fine not until he appeared. Why can't he just forged my signature and show it to everyone? Tsk. He's good at that.

Kuya Xander is known to be manipulative. I hate to say this but I was once his victim. I planned on wandering around cities carrying only my pouch with cheque on it that needs to be fill up. Sad thing is I had no idea how to that's why Kuya Xander took over. I was eager to escaped and breath some air that time and he also had his own agenda thus I fell on his trap. Binigay ko sa kanya ang cheque and let him shell out cash from there. I got my money for myself and so is he but the case was he got also an access for my share. And God knows where he might be using it for.

Imbes na magmukmok ay napagdesisyonan kong magshopping nalang. Nakakastress manatili dito sa kwarto with my waiting-to-be-arranged things. I was eager to sort it out pa naman kanina but then, geez, thinking of that guy again make my blood boils.

'How about that guy your memory showed you?'

Saglit akong natigil sa paggayak ng bigla iyong pumasok sa isipan ko.
That guy...

Paulit-ulit kong pinilig ang ulo ko at tumayo. I glanced at my reflection once again bago binitbit ang tanging dala kong pouch palabas ng kwarto.

Nakasalubong ko pa ang isa sa katulong sa bahay kaya naman siya na ang pinaayos ko sa nakakalat na mga gamit sa kwarto.

"Just undo those things and put it back under my bed. Wala kang itatapon, got it?" bilin ko.

"Yes, ma'am! Makakaasa po kayo." agaran nitong sagot kaya naman umalis na ako.

I have nowhere to go right now. I just said I'll go shopping but I think it's a bad idea. There's no space for my car to park. It's absurd! Bakit andaming sasakyan ngayon? I mean this is unbelievable. Kahit ata single motor hindi makapark. Naikot ko ang mga mata ko sa irita. I should have really stayed at home. Akmang ililiko ko na ang sasakyan ko ng may mahagip ako ng tingin. It made my breathing hitch for a moment. I blinked twice to make sure and I am damn right!

'I need to get out of here!' sigaw ng isip ko. My body went on panic mode. Kung ano-ano na ang napipindot ko and it's putting me on danger. Darn it.

'Relax, Heira. Inhale, exhale, inhale-----'

"Hey, miss? Are you alright?'

'This is freaken' useless! Damn! Damn------'

My thoughts halted when I heard a knock on my car's window. This is heavy tinted and I'm thanking whoever invented this kind of thing!

Huminga ako ng malalim at pinunasan ang iilang butil ng pawis sa noo ko. Binaba ko ng kaunti ang windshield, enough to just let my eyes be seen. Ramdam ko ang mas lalong panlalamig ng pares kong mga kamay.

"Are you alright? You seem having hard time to maneuver this car of yours ?"

'Are you alright? You just need to behave, okay? You can do this .'

'n-no...please don't leave, A-adam..
I'm begging..----'

"You're not alright. You want me----"

"N-no. I can handle."

Agaran kong sinara ang bintana at mabilis na kinabig ang manibela para lumiko at tuluyang pinaharurot iyon.

Nanginginig ang kalamnan ko just by hearing that voice. Yung puso ko parang tatalon palabas ng ribcage sa sobrang takot at kaba. Para akong binangungot pagkakita ko sa mukhang iyon. Parang bumalik ang dating  miserable at puno ng takot  na ako. Damn. Just a sight of him and then I got back to zero again!

I stopped my car sa gilid ng kalsada and wiped my tears off. Pinikit ko ang mata ko at kinalma ang sarili.

You're good, Heira. Nakalayo ka na. You're safe. I'm safe. It's okay.

Nung medyo umayos na ako ay pinatakbo ko na ulit ang sasakyan ko. I drove my way home as fast as I can. Minutes after, nakarating rin ako. Kita ko pa ang pagtataka ng katulong ko ng makapasok ako sa kwarto.

"Hala ka, ma'am! Hindi pa po ako tapos!"

"Go out." mahina kong saad. Hindi ito nagsalita bagkus ay tumayo. Akala ko ay aalis pero may kinuha itong pamilyar na lumang sticky note sa ibabaw ng mini table ko. She handed it to me. Nagtataka man ay tinanggap ko ito.

"Itatapon ko po sana kaso naisip ko baka kailangan niyo pa yan." saad nito bago umalis. Tiningnan ko pa ang pagsara nito ng pinto bago sinipat ang papel.

'My brave naughty princess,

  I'm so proud of you.

          Your prince,

                AKL

Kusang bumigay ang tuhod ko ng mabasa ang nakasulat dun. Memories instantly flashes in my mind and I can't help myself from crying.

What happened, Adam? Why are we like this? You used to be the one whom I can rely on, my shoulder when I'm down. Paanong ikaw ang naging dahilan ngayon upang malunod ako sa sariling mga luha?

You used to be proud of me. If you happen to see me right now, you think you'll still be proud? I'm hopeless. Damn hopeless that I don't even know how to stand anymore. Napapagod na ako.

All these years, I've got nothing to do but to wear mask and pretend that I'm okay. That I was able to passed through those emotional breakdowns, anxieties and insecurities. That I can stand on my own enough to shove those who tried to help me. But who am I kidding? I was and am still that scared little kitten, miserable and alone. I got no one but myself.

I'm so tired of hiding behind this strong and moved on phase! Pagod na ako! I'm still stuck in that f*ck*ng nowhere and up until now I don't know how to escape!

Pagod na pagod na ako.