Okay so before I share about the ton of terrible things I've done to my brother in part two of my confessions I shall tell this story about a fun time me and my brother had together maybe that will make him less mad after I post the part two(It probably won't make him less mad but I'm hopeful)
So my mom used to force me and my brother to go to a church Sunday school and in case you don't know what they do in the "school" is talk about the Bible and god and Jesus and all that boring stuff. In all honesty me and my brother hated going and after my brother would make jokes about what we just learned and it would always make me laugh but then our mom would get mad at him and it's like calm down lady he's making a joke about a half naked jew nailed to some wood so calm your tits.
Anyway so one day our mom was running late and we were put inside of the chapel to wait for her by the priest and my brother kept telling the priest to keep his holy hands off of us or he would shove them where up somewhere God will never look and the guy just said stay at the altar and don't move and Vegeta said "Don't tell me what to do, so why don't you go find some choir boys to scar!"
The priest just sighed and left and me and Vegeta sat there for a while my brother was becoming steadily angrier about the fact she was late (We found out later that she had a booty call with Nappa and ugh saying that just brings up bad thoughts) so I decided to explore and I found a little cupboard inside the altar that had the ceremonial wine and Wafers in it and so I took it out and set it up on top of the altar.
Now me and Vegeta were teenagers and well like all teenagers we wanted some of that good old alcohol so I tool off the cap to Christ's blood and well started chugging and my brother noticed and grinned and asked me to give him some too so I did and we both kept drinking it.
Now we both got very drunk and well after we had finished the third bottle of wine as we split each bottle. Then we both started eating the wafers and I said to my brother randomly "Come eat the holy chips and come on Saturdays for the barbecue " and Vegeta just shook his head and laughed and then took a swig of the wine bottle and then proceeded to stand up staggering as he did so and said "Religion is bullshit!"
We both started laughing and Vegeta fell from his laughter and I took the bottle from him and drank some more and asked Vegeta "If this is the blood of Christ's doesn't that mean he was wasted 24/7?" I giggled at what I was saying as I'm a bad drunk and my brother just said to me "I don't fucking know!"
I then saw Vegeta slowly approaching a statue of Mary and starts talking to it and as you all probably know when my brother gets drunk he gets horny. "Hey baby come here often?" he said to the statue and then he touched the statues face and said "I hear you're a virgin well I'm going to change that soon."
I just laughed and started cheering him on slurring my words while doing so and eventually my brother stopped and was like "Ah she's a stone cold bitch, I mean who travels hundreds of miles to give birth to their kid in a barn?"
"I think it was a Manger brother." I managed to say and he just scoffed and grabbed a fistful of wafers and put them in his mouth and then took a swig of wine. We don't know how long we were there as I had cuddled up on the floor with the wine bottle and Vegeta was attempting to make out with the Mary Magdalen statue and telling it how much of a whore she was when our mother came in and started screeching at us and mainly at Vegeta for being a irresponsible older brother and then she picked me up asking if her baby boy was okay and I just looked at her and said "You're a freaking bitch!"
I then proceeded to vomit all over her as I heard Vegeta cackling in the background at he scene he was witnessing and then he threw up all over the statue and said "Sorry baby I drank to much of Christ's blood but we can do this another time? "
Yeah we got sent home to get cleaned up also apologize to the priest who Vegeta "accidentally" threw the wine bottle at(don't worry he was fine it was a bad throw and it just landed and shattered at the guy's feet and the wine covered his robes and he shrieked like a drunk widow) after the guy tried to ramble on about how what we did was a affront to the lord and of course my mother forgave me for saying that since I was under the influence and well I did mean what I said since she was bitching at Vegeta for being irresponsible. Well this was a long one ladies and gentlemen but I hope you enjoy this story and big brother I hope you love this nostalgia.
