A Clouded Day

The Final Day In The Hospital

While lost in her thoughts, Erin jumped a bit when the door to her room swung wide open. She looked up and saw that her co-worker Sarah entered the room and she was, as always, walking in with a huge smile plastered over her face. As she saw that she had scared Erin with her sudden entrance, her smile dimmed a bit, only to quickly reappear as bright as ever. The young agent stepped closer and apologized for her actions. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you. I should've knocked first." Erin shook her head. "Don't apologize, it's fine, really. I've just been a bit on edge lately." Sarah understandingly nodded and replied "That's not a surprise, I'd be too if I would've gone through what you went through." After a pause she continued "But seriously, how are you?" Erin looked down at the thin, white blanket that was covering her wounded body. "I'm good." Erin put on a smile, but it was obvious that it wasn't genuine. The smile never reached her eyes, they appeared even duller and more lifeless than before. Sarah doubtfully raised her left eyebrow and shook her head. "No Erin, you're not fine. How could you be? You were shot, you got a concussion and there's something more going on with you that the doctors won't tell me because of privacy reasons." Sarah placed a blank metal chair, that had previously been standing in the corner of the room, next to Erin's bed. She sighed and took a seat. "I care about you. Even though I don't know a lot about you, I consider you my friend, and that means I will help you get through whatever this is. I won't push you to tell me anything, I just want you to know that I'm here for you." Erin frowned and then slowly looked up. "I know, and I'm sorry. Ever since you joined the unit, you've done nothing but being good to me. Me on the other hand..." She trailed off and fixated her gaze on the wall. "I haven't been very nice to you. It never was something personal, I just... I guess ever since moving to New York I haven't been myself." Erin's gaze wandered around in the room and fell back on Sarah. She took a few deep breaths and decided to open up a bit more. "The drug abuse, for instance, it isn't just an occasional thing I do to get my mind off of things. I'm addicted. Like the multiple fixes a day kind of addicted." Erin shortly paused her explanation. It had come out more bluntly than she had anticipated and wanted, but she wasn't in the state to bring it out more gracefully. In a moment of discomfort, she stared at the obnoxiously bright wall again and continued: "And it's not just coke either. I've been addicted several times in the past, and it seems like every time I feel like I don't have life under my control I end up going down that path again." Tears started welling up in Erin's eyes and Sarah didn't know what to say, so she just comfortingly put her hand on Erin's shoulder. "I'm such a failure." Erin muttered the words that had been circling around in her mind for a long time, clouding and corrupting her every thought. She hadn't intended to say them out loud, but when she saw Sarah's body stiffen, she knew that she had. Sarah tried to hide the pain she felt after hearing her friend saying such a thing, but her acting abilities failed her. "You're not a failure. Everyone has a rough time, and nobody gets through that alone." Erin's gaze wandered across the room and finally landed on Sarah again. Her eyes seemed even duller than before, as if they had completely lost their shine. She swallowed and loudly exhaled. Then, into the silence, she quietly whispered; "What if I never get over it? What if I can't do it, even with help?"

Erin curled herself up into a ball and clung onto the white blanket. Sarah compassionately looked at her, feeling a whole bunch of pity for her friend. She realised that pressing further wasn't going to get her anywhere, so she dropped the topic completely. "So, what would you think of it if I were to talk to Jones about all this?" Special Agent Lincoln Jones was the supervisor of their unit. He was generally a really affable personality, but he could be a bit harsh sometimes. Erin frowned deep it thought and was silent for a moment. "That would be so kind of you, thanks. I was already dreading to have that conversation with him." Sarah let out a laugh. "I can imagine that. I wouldn't want to have to talk to him about anything emotional." They both grinned at each other until Erin's facial expression turned serious again. "If you do talk to him, do me a favour and don't mention the whole drug thing. Just tell him that I'm mandatorily being admitted to a psychological facility. Or maybe not even that. The job... It's all I have left. I don't want to lose it." Sarah sighed and approvingly nodded at her. "I know, and I won't. I promise." She got up and placed the chair back into the corner. Then she proceeded to leave the room, leaving Erin to her thoughts again.