Dreaming in Color

Chapter 26

Lauren stood frozen to the spot, almost as though ice had solidified in her very veins.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No! her mind pleaded in what could be best described as growing, maniacal panic. This is not good. Not good at all.

Lauren slid down to the floor, resting her back against her bed and drawing her knees up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them, feeling distinctly numb with her growing horror.

It's one thing to be friends with Severus Snape – it's an entirely different story altogether to develop feelings for him.

A humourless chuckle escaped her lips at that thought.

Feelings? Do I really have feelings for him? Sure, I like him – but only as a friend. This is...this is just a silly little crush, that's all.

Lauren hung her head, resting her forehead against her knees as she groaned in exasperation.

Fucking hormones! They had to make an appearance and fuck everything up.

Lauren sat there for the longest while, her tumultuous thoughts running in an endless, agitated loop around and around in her head.

That's all this is. It's just my stupid teenage hormones. Nothing else.

Rising shakily to her feet, Lauren swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat. For that conviction had felt distinctly like a lie. A lie she was very determined to tell herself.

Lauren shook her head, sending her dark waves tumbling over her shoulders.

No, there's nothing more to this. It's just a crush and I'll get over it. Lauren chewed on her thumb nail as her thoughts started running a mile a minute. In the meantime, though, Snape can never find out. He will not handle silly notions of infatuation very well, she thought.

Lauren would have snorted in amusement if the situation hadn't been so dire. No, Snape could never find out about her feelings, for she valued their friendship too much to risk ruining it by confessing something that was silly and fleeting, and would surely pass in time.

In the meantime, though, she was going to have to draw upon all her limited acting skills and pretend as though nothing had changed.

But what if this is more than just a crush? that sneaky bastard of her inner voice asked slyly.

Lauren shook her head again, resolve settling like steel within her core.

No, this is nothing more. Because if it is, well, then I am royally fucked. Besides, it's not as though things between us can ever become...more. Snape will always view me as a child – this he has stated quite plainly. Not to mention that he'll always hold a candle for Lily Evans. No, no good will come out by confessing. Best to keep my mouth shut and carry on as normal.

Lauren drew in a deep breath and carefully drew upon her Occlumency, shuttering down the crashing emotions that threatened to overwhelm and suffocate her. She struggled to clear her mind so that her panicked thoughts were nothing more than a low background hum, affording her some controlled form of functionality.

And just in the nick of time too, for Tracey chose that moment to enter their room. She paused in the doorway, eyeing Lauren's pale, yet shuttered down expression.

"Are you okay, Lauren?" she asked, stepping further into the room.

Lauren gave her friend a tight smile, fighting with all her might to hold onto her thinly controlled shields. The warring emotions within her were threatening to break down those walls at any moment.