Dumb And Dumber In BNHA

☆3☆

"Now, let's discuss the conditions." Nezu starts. "I believe it would be proper of us to fulfill two demands for you each, as we are requesting you attend our school for surveillance purposes."

"My cat and an espresso machine. Period. Non-negotiable." Astrid stated, not quite registering the "attend our school" portion of the previous sentence.

"Okay, yes, that could be arranged, and you?" Nezu said motioning to Everyn.

"Little ol' me! Well~, I don't want a lot-" Everyn was cut off by her best friend, but she continued anyways.

"Bullshit." Astrid interrupted with a cough as she blew on her coffee.

"-just an apartment, free of our charge, fully furnished of course, preferably a 3 bed/2 bath, with a nice kitchen and a decent living room. A balcony couldn't hurt either, if you're feeling generous. And, for my next demand," Everyn continued, a devilish smile creeping onto her visage.

"I actually can't believe you right now." Astrid, rubbed her left temple with her adjacent hand, holding her coffee with the other.

"Well-," Nezu began, but was interrupted by Everyn's second demand.

"I want both me and my best bitch transferred to class 1-A".

"WHAT?!" Astrid choked, quickly standing as her anxiety hit like a wrecking ball. Now if you recall from the previous chapter, Astrid had been unconsciously resting her feet on her teacher's sleeping bag. Which he was still sleeping in. 

"P-please...g-get..o-off," Aizawa wheezed. Astrid was currently standing on Aizawa's stomach and chest, resulting in a prompt lack of air to his lungs. Unfortunately, Astrid was not paying attention, and instead was preparing for her next rant.

"What do you mean class 1-A? Bitch are you crazy? We will DIE. WE WILL LITERALLY DIE!"

"Well actually, that condition was already non-negotiable, we need the best teachers to be able to look after you both, not to mention the quirk situation. Sure, you may not have quirks now, buy you never know what affects changing dimensions could have on your bodies", Nezu said, a composed smile still on his furry face.

"No. You clearly don't understand, though you do bring up a good point!" Astrid said, gritting her teeth. "At least you haven't forgotten that we are literally quirkless. How can you put two quirkless students in the top hero course? What possible explanation could you have for, not only putting quirkless, underqualified students into the course- students who were not present at the entrance exam- but also exceeding the class limit? "

"Please, it is just a safety precaution we want to take in the case that someone should be looking for you. Plus we will have our quirk canceling teacher looking over the both of you, and we can iron out these details later."

"H-help....me," Aizawa continued to struggle to breathe. Toshinori had now noticed his predicament, and was attempting to gain the attention of a screeching Astrid. 

"Iron out the 'details later'?" Astrid questioned, emphatically. "You absolutely cannot remove anyone from the class; those students earned their spots. And how is a quirk-canceling teacher going to help in a quirkless situation?"

"Hey, guys? Uh..." Toshinori started, pointing to a struggling Aizawa, who was struggling to unzip his sleeping bag, clearly in search of oxygen.

"Besides, safety precaution, really? That truly is an interesting word choice. I mean-Everyn, seriously. This is not a good idea." Astrid tried to stress, but she was cut off by her friends hand as she was dragged from the teachers corpse.

"Astrid shut the hell up! Not everything is about you. Come on, roll with me just the one time."

"Excuse you?" Astrid started, her voice increasing an octave. "Are you seriously trying to ignore the significance of this situation, the USJ, the training camp, Stain, all for you to live out your fantasy?" 

"Shut up, you could seriously fuck shit up if you keep talking about future events." Everyn took on an uncharacteristically serious tone. Anytime she started acting the more level-headed of the two, Astrid knew it was time to take a step back.

 This was not unusual, and was actually one of the sole pillars of their friendship. In most situations, Astrid acted the more logical of the two. However, in situations which triggered a high range of anxiety, Astrid lost a bit of her logical thought process, and if anything were to trigger anxiety, it would be the literal fall into an unknown world. And at this rate, Everyn was a day late and a dollar short to putting a lid on it.

"Future? I would like a FUCKING future. Preferably without a 15 year gap in my tombstone. And that would mean a hard pass on transferring to Class 1-A." Astrid was finally yelling. Despite what her and Everyn's previous interactions may suggest, Astrid did not particularly enjoy raising her voice, and in most circumstances preferred keeping her tone as level as her head.

Everyn broke out into a laugh. The irony of the situation, the reality of it seemed to finally be hitting her. Her laughter was true with gust a touch of mania.

"Well Mc' Fucking 'scuse you!" Clearly Astrid's grammar had gone down the drain with the rest of her sanity. " What the hell would your helpless ass do without me anyway?" Astrid ended starting to chuckle.

The harmonious laughter of the two filled the room. The onlooking teachers were not completely sure what was happening or what the girls were thinking, but they seemed to understand that through the argument, the girls had still come to an understanding of their own.

"Dude, it's going to be fine, you might even have some fun, and make some friends! How could you not be excited?" Everyn said, cheerily as usual.

"Nevermind, I'd rather die, and since this is practically a death sentence," Astrid provided a wry smile. "I would like a black coffin for my funeral. Could that be one more condition?" She asked, turning to principle Nezu.

"Shut up. Goddamn. You are such a fucking antisocial drama queen." Everyn said, punching her friend lightly in the arm before returning to her seat on Nezu's sofa. "Don't pay her much attention," Everyn continued. "Now, as my second condition was already a guarantee, my new second demand is a monthly allowance, enough to feed us both, plus living standards," she said, crossing her legs and placing her hands over her knee. 

Astrid huffed at being ignored, blowing her curtain bangs into the air momentarily before they floated back down to block her vision once again. Nezu agreed to terms listed by the girls, despite how unrealistic they may have been, sending the pair on your way. Toshinori and Aizawa were asked to stay behind to discuss some "pressing" matters, which the girls could only assume were related to them and their mysterious appearance. Nezu asked both girls for their contact information, so he could contact them when they had the whole apartment situation sorted. The group was pleased to realize that despite everything, their phones still managed to receive cell service.

On their way out Astrid turned to the remaining teachers. "Oh, and Principal Nezu, I think you're pretty cool. Thanks for letting me crash on your couch. You too, Mr. Aizawa. You're chill too. And All Might, sorry you had to put up with all of our shit. See you around I guess." Astrid flashed them a goofy grin, before being forcefully removed from the room by Everyn.

"SEE YOU FOOLS LATER!"

"Wait, where are we going?"

 Alright, I tried shortening the chapter a little here. I remember reading that the recommended word count is 1500 a chapter; this one is 1250 words, and it seemed like a good place to end. Also, I am on spring break this week, so I will be trying to get through editing as many chapters as I can. 

Again, let me know how you feel about the chapter length, if it is of any significance to you. If not, enjoy the story and look for more updates this week! 😊