Behind It All

I'm Listening Now

Tonight the boys are performing in Madison Square Garden. This venue is so huge, I can't imagine how excited they must be.

I sit in one of the seats up the back of the arena watching the final parts of the stage being set up.
I came here because I wanted some space and time to myself. To think.

I've not spoke to Niall since last week when we had that argument. I cringe at the thought of telling him about James. I really wish I hadn't told him. He probably thinks I'm a slut that got knocked up at a young age. Thats really not the case.

I've been thinking about quitting. Losing all the money and going back to my life in London. I would be left with nothing all over again but it can't be much worse than going through the pain of lying to the world and having Niall lie to his fans and even his friends and family. Maybe this just isn't worth the money.

I'm startled from my thoughts when a panting boy sits next to me. I reluctantly look up to find a breathless Niall looking out to the arena.

"Why are ya' sitting away up here by yourself?" He asks, not looking at me still.
"I needed space." I state quietly.

"I've been looking for you eveywhere, m'legs are burning from all those stairs!" He chuckles, awkwardly trying to make conversation.

Why is he talking to me? I thought he hated me..

"Look, Hayley. I'm so sorry. I'm so truly sorry for all those horrible things I called you and accused you of doing. I was just angry and words that I didn't even mean just kept escaping out. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of it." He says, finally looking up to meet my eyes.

"It's okay. I've been thinking of leaving this job." I mumble.

"What? Why? You'd lose everything though? All the money from the deal?" He asked in a shocked manner, shuffling in his seat.

"I know but, this is just so hard. I feel so guilty having to lie about this to everyone and I can see how unhappy it makes you and how much it's tearing you apart inside when you have to lie to your friends or family. It just doesn't feel right, no matter how much I need the money." I sigh.

"No, you can't. You've came all this way there's only a month or so left. I don't want you to quit because of me. In fact, I don't want you to quit at all because management will only just replace you and I could end up with a proper bitch! If anyone was to have this job I'm glad it's you. You can't just go." Niall admits.

"But I just.." I start..

"No buts! Your not going anywhere. Neither's your son." Niall says shyly.

I look down at my knees.

"Why did you never tell me about him?" Niall asked.

"You never wanted to listen" I mumbled honestly.

"I'm sorry. Who's the dad? Where is he?" Niall asked, fumbling with his hands.

"He was a mistake. I hate myself for ever going near him." I sighed.
"You see, we were in college when we met. He was so nice at first, took me on all these dates and to party's, soon he asked me to be his girlfriend and I stupidly agreed. One night we were at a typical frat house party, and he kept handing me all these different drinks, I was so drunk I could barely walk straight never mind know what he was up to that night when he took me upstairs." I paused.
"The next day I found out it was all a bet...all the dates, us going out, it was all some stupid bet he had with his friends to see how long it would take for him to get laid. I was so mad yet so hurt. I never spoke to him for months until I noticed I was pregnant. I had to tell him but he refused to be apart of its life. It was too late for an abortion. I couldn't stay with my parents since they hated me for being so foolish and kicked me out. I couldn't carry on with college while looking after a baby aswell. I had no choice but to move to London and stay with a friend for a while. I just had to go, nobody even cared that I was gone.." I say, tears in my eyes as the memories of the hard time raced through my mind.

"Hayley...Im so sorry...I can't believe he would do that to you. What a twitsed fucking arsehole!" Niall says running a hand through his hair in anger.

"You don't have to apologise Niall." I said trying to smile.

"What's your baby's name?" Niall asked.

"James" I said quietly.

"Why did you call him James? That's my middle name you know!" Niall chuckles.

"Actually, I do know it's your middle name. Infact as corny as it sounds he was sort of named after you. You see, when I found out I was having him, and the dad wanted nothing to do with him and my parents were so angry and wanted nothing to do with me. As I said before I was a huge fan of the band and you in-particular. You were my idol and the only inspiration to keep me going. I couldn't call him Niall as it would sound pretty cliché, but I wanted him to have a part of you in him since you and the boys seemed to be the only constant in my life when everyone else left me to go through it alone." I said tears threatening to fall again.

"So I decided to go with James, your middle name, as to everyone else it would look like a regular name but to me it had so much more meaning than just a regular name. It reminded me of you boys and a feeling of home." I continued.

"Sorry for blabbing on, I probably sound stupid or like a crazy obsessed fan" I chuckle.

"Don't apologise. I think it's nice. Im flattered." he smiled with a rosy blush tinting his cheeks.
"I'm sorry to hear about your parents leaving you to go through it by yourself. It must've been so hard. Have they apologised?" Niall continued.

"Niall, I've not spoke to them since that day they kicked me out. I've never went home since that day and I never intend to." I sigh.

"Your kidding me right?! You've not spoke to your parents in almost two years? Have they not tried to contact you?" He asks, surprise taking over his features.

"Nope. They've called 3 times but I've either missed it or ignored it. If they really wanted to reach out to me they would try harder and I am not going back to them." I said.

"Hayley, I'm so sorry for being such an ass to you these past weeks. I've treated you like crap and you truly don't deserve it. I'm sorry for acting up and not listening to you. I just get so frustrated with the things management do to us, they try to control us so much and I feel like their taking over my life sometimes. I know that blaming management is no excuse but, I'm so sorry for giving you a hard time." Niall admits, his ocean blue eyes staring into my glassy eyes yet again.

"Stay. Please don't quit. I don't want you to go. I know I haven't listened to you before but I'm listening now, I want to make it up to you. And could I maybe meet James?" Niall asks.

A small smile is brought onto my lips.

"Of course" I say.

Niall flashes me a big smile in return.

"I'm looking forward to it" he says with a cheeky smile.

"Niall!" A voice booms from the arena floor.

We both look down to see Liam waving his hand.

"You've to come down for a quick rehearsal!" Liam shouts again.

"Okay mate! Just coming!" Niall shouts back down, his accent filling the whole arena.

"We better go down" Niall smiles gesturing towards the stairs.

We walk down the stairs as I ask Niall about the show tonight and how nervous he is since it's such a big arena.

We finally reach the bottom and have to go our separate ways.

"I'll see you later on Hayley" Niall smiles.

"Niall" I say causing him to quickly turn on his heels to face me again.

"Thanks for listening" I smile.

"Thanks for letting me in" Niall smiles back.