𝐒𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐋. | mattia polibio

two.

TRIGGER WARNING!

flashback.

what was taking my mom so long in the bathroom? she was in there for 30 minutes but no noise or movement was heard. she claimed she was taking a shower but it wasn't turned on and running.

i sucked on my bottom lip in confusion and made my way to knock on the door since i need to use the restroom asap. my knuckles tapped on the wooden door and echoed throught the small apartment we had. "hey mama, stai bene?" (are you okay?)

i recieved a small groan and furrowed my brows trying to figure out what she was trying to say. i knocked again and got no response. "mama, rispondetemi!" i yelled. (answer me) "perché stai urlando, ev?" my dad asked. (why are you yelling, ev?) i rolled my eyes, put my head on the door and yelled "it's nothing, papa!"

why won't she respond? i thought. chills then grew all over my arms as i thought of a specific scenerio that i hoped didn't occur. fear eventually took over and i grabbed the closest coin to me and put it in between the slit of the door knob and twisted it to the right.

i twisted the door knob and pushed it with my shoulder blade and could not believe what i saw. my lip quivered as i saw my mothers body on the floor, lifeless. i yelled in terror as i landed on my knees and quickly shook her body. mi papa came running to the bathroom and mumbled "oh mio dio."

"mama, svegliati! per favore svegliati!" i yelled. (wake up, please wake up!) i shook her body trying to regain the soul i was about to lose. i glanced at the orange bottle on the floor and read xanax: perscribed to mariella ortiz, take one pill if struggling with sleep.

"no no no mama. please wake up, no me ases esto otra vez!" i exclaimed. tears ran down my freckled cheeks and landed on her light blue shirt, decorated with dark blue flowers. my father ran to get his phone and immediately called 911, reporting the incident that he had seen.

i scooped her head and prayed to god she would make it out alive from the battle i didn't know she was fighting, again. long story short, she has overdosed before, when i was 13. she was diagnosed with clinical depression right after she lost a person she'd least expect to lose, her mother. mi mama then fell in a dark place after that and the only way she thought she could escape her battle was to end it all, leaving me and mi papa cry every night she was at rehab.

i burried my head into her body and continued to cry, harder and harder as the minute passed by. and soon enough, sirens were heard outside of my apartment, with paramedics busting in and placing her on a carrier, trying to save a life i loved dearly.

i hope this isn't too bad or too triggering, i actually tried 4 once prdt
-cia🕺🏽