The Boy In The Bow Tie (edited)

9. Absence

My parents, Ashleigh, Jeffrey, Aunt Alice, Aunt Mae and Uncle Louie and their kids, and the rest of our extended family left the following day. We spent the night before sitting on the beach together. We all sat and told stories about my grandfather, and we cried a lot. He was someone who was worth all the tears.

I was the only one who offered to stay with my grandma to keep her company, and help her with my grandfather's affairs. I think it was too much for everyone else to handle. I was staying as long as she needed me. My parents were reluctant to allow me to stay, but they finally agreed that it was the best thing to do.

A week after everyone else had left, and as my grandmother and I rifled through my grandfather's papers, I looked down onto the beach and saw Connor walking alone.

My grandma saw me looking out of the window and spotted him as well.

"Go talk to him, honey," she said. I had told her all about our fight one evening after we had called the funeral home back in Vermont.

"No, grandma, it's okay," I replied, absent-mindedly turning an envelope over in my hands.

"If you don't go out there, I will," she insisted, removing the white envelope from my hands and pushing me out the door.

I watched him for a few moments, not wanting to want him, but being unable to help it. He had hurt me, and I had hurt him, too. I slept with his best friend and every time I remembered the night with Brooks, my gut would wrench. Yes, Connor had hurt me, but I had done something 100 times worse than what he did to me.

"Hey," I said, barely above a whisper. He looked up.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, walking closer.

"I honestly don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing, Charlie, and I wasn't expecting you to actually still be here," his eyes were bloodshot and his hair was shaggy and messy.

"Me either." We stood there, the only sound was the waves crashing on the shore.

"I'm sorry about your grandfather. I saw his obituary in the newspaper," he said.

"Yeah. It's been really hard on my family, I've done nothing but cry for the past week."

"I'm also sorry for everything else I did," he began, "it was so wrong for me to not tell you about Caroline." I nodded slowly, waiting for him to continue, "At first, I did only want to hook up with you, but then I got to know you." his first words stung.

"Connor-," I started to say, but he cut me off.

"No, I'm not done," he brushed his hand through his hair, and sighed, "I got to know you, and I fell for you. So hard. You showed me new things. I felt so normal with you, you don't care about how much money my family has, or whether or not I ironed my collar correctly, or where I took you on a date. You only cared about us being together, and I needed that."

"Connor, I needed you, too. You showed me things I had never even dreamed about and I've become such a different person by just knowing you. I don't feel like average Charlie from Iowa anymore, you made me feel special," I said, meaning every word. He had turned my world inside-out and upside-down.

"You walked into my life at the perfect time. I never expected you to have this effect on me. I never expected to like you this much. Hell Charlie, I never expected to love you this much." He had said he thought loved me when we had our fight, but I felt like this was real.

"Connor, you hurt me."

"I know. And I'm so sorry. So incredibly sorry. It was never my intent to hurt you. I haven't even spoken to Caroline since she broke up with me. I don't even care. I was so upset about it when we met, but then at the bonfire, you changed my whole attitude. You showed me a whole new side of life." I smiled.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry for what happened with Brooks. I swear it meant absolutely nothing," I said, choking on the words as they left my mouth. Saying it left a rotten taste in my mouth.

"Yeah." Was all he said.

"I was just so confused, and I know that doesn't justify it, but please forgive me," I pleaded.

"I've already forgiven you. I can't stay mad at you, for something I basically caused in the first place. Brooks called me right after he dropped you at the hospital, and told me everything." Had I screwed up their entire friendship? As if he could read my thoughts he said, "Don't worry, me and Brooks are okay."

"And what about us?" I asked.

He took my hands.

"Charlie Olson, I fucking love you." He proclaimed, and smiled. I smiled back.

"Connor Fitzpatrick, I love you so much." I stood on my toes and kissed him. My lips had missed his.