I remember standing in a clothes shop and watching one of my classmates getting fashion advice from her friends
She tried on a few skirts that were fashionable back then
When she felt insecure all her friends comforted her
I thought to myself that I would never be able to wear it with my body shape
And I envied her
A few years passed and I forgot about it
I started hating wearing skirts and complied with whatever my mother picked out for me on shopping trips
Then I stopped eating at first and then I ate until I felt like exploding
I became jumpy about the topic
I walked up the stage to receive my middle school diploma
I walked into a new classroom with new classmates I was terrified of
Then I left everything I loved behind and walked into a new school
I began walking to my room with the urge to close the blinds and lock the door and ban out all the light and crawl under the covers like a scared animal and never come out again
But then I walked into the bathroom and broke down in front of my mother
I walked into my therapist’s room for the first time
And I walked out again every time with my shoulders a bit less weighed down
I strode onto the podium to be honoured as one of the best in my school
And then one day I walked into a clothes shop much like the one when I had been 15
And alone, I tried on a skater skirt just the one that my classmate tried on all those years ago
And I bought it
I had grown into the skirt I so wanted at 15 and I had grown into myself
The me I had been given at birth
And then, in the new year, I bought myself a crop top
From this day on I would only buy clothes that I love
Just like that skater skirt at 15
