Secrets | Thomas Sangster Fanfic

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

rly crappy chapter sorry

LISTEN TO GONE TOO SOON BY DAUGHTRY WHEN READING THE ITALICS. I CRIED WHILST DOING SO :'(

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 Callum

Its been 3 months since you were gone.

It feels like it was only yesterday that you were pestering me about being a freak with beryllium. Callum you were always way more annoying than me and you know it.

And yes I am writing to you. Even though you will never read it.

Mom and dad got my a physiologist to help me deal with my grieving.

She said I should try and write down my feelings. Thats only because I refuse to talk to her.

So here is my first letter... Well note to you.

I feel as if every one wants to know what their funeral will be like. Yours was peaceful. 

The service was down by the beach. The whole town was basically there for you. But thats because everyone loved you, well we still all do. but you know what I mean.

Mom broke down completely but I guess that was expected right? She found out that her son got in a car crash and then found out it was 'speed bump' in your plan to actually take your own life. That would internally murder any one.

Thomas played a song for you on his acoustic guitar. Gone too soon by daughtry I think it was. I know it was. It was the most heart touching thing I had ever heard, I will never forget it.

I have never seen that many people cry for one person Callum.

Thomas barley made it through the song. He was crying the whole time but he didn't stop. He knew you would have wanted him to finish.

You always told me to finish what I start. To stay strong.

So why didn't you?

I will write tomorrow

and the next day

until the time is right to move on.

But that wont be any time soon

Erica.

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I lie on my bed staring at the roof. Thats how I spend most of my days now. I go to school in the morning and run back home where I lie on my bed and cry with my cat. 

Yes thats right. Run. I can run now. You would think that since I now have a brand new heart installed in my chest that I would take advantage of it. I thought so too. But I feel guilty every time I do something. I know Callum wouldn't have wanted me to feel like that but I do. I feel like I have taken my brothers life just so I can run or do a cartwheel without feeling like I am going to faint.

My parents aren't home much any more. Another shocker. I would have thought since they have lost one child they would want to fuss over the other and make the most of me. But since Callum's death they have been more distant. Literally. Its probably because they think Callum tried to kill himself not only because he was depressed (so we found out). But because they think another reason for his attempted suicide was so I could have a healthy heart and a better life. I don't blame them. I feel the exact same way.