I Dub Thee Sir- Oh it's a Red-winged Blackbird *screeches in British*

I didn't want to write this chapter

...I didn't want to write this chapter...

why?

because I don't want people to worry.

I haven't had... the greatest experience with bullies,

they seem to follow me like a shadow

year after year a new one comes around.

Funny enough, the one time I truly stood up was when I was in preschool, then I kinda stopped.

Funny things age does to you.

I'm biting my tongue while writing this... I don't want to cry.

That's because all my life I've kept my tears inside, stuck in a bottle that rarely leaks.

So, without further ado, let's hear my sad story.

As I mentioned every single year of my life, since I started school, I've been bullied.

At one point my siblings were my own personal household bullies because at the time I was a little overweight. Glad that ended quickly.

When I was in fourth grade my second best friend met... another girl, and they became friends, let's call her Gretchen

So Gretchen, for some reason, utterly hated me. I had done nothing wrong to her. She'd call me a bitch, swear at me with every swear word she knew, and there were a lot. Some how this wasn't what made me realize how terrible she was, I'm not one to get very hurt by words, mostly just people's actions. I did realize that she was being mean to me, so me and my best friend Spoon ( @HowToBendA_Spoon ) would talk and play on our own during recess. Well, we tried, Gretchen would follow us around, just you know destroying what little of an ego I had, and trust me, my ego was small enough by then.

I only escaped when I told my mom why I would come home from school looking exhausted and on the verge of tears. The principle got envolved, and it stopped.

This was my second worst experience, the worst was just this last school year, 6th grade, a new bully, after being true to my self and excepting my true Furryness I would talk about the fandom quite a bit, and of course, in science class, where i;d talk the most about Furries was a furry hater.

You see this wouldn't be so bad if being a furry hadn't made me so incredibly happy, that the idea of someone hating on it seemed unreal to me. So I kinda broke a little, of course this never showed, I just- being who I was was my life, and it hurt to know people hated me because of that. But prior to this- this jerk entering my life, I was, well I had what's called major depression. 

School, bullying and my lack of self control was causing me incredibly high stress levels and I won't deny that once or twice I pulled out a pocket knife before shoving it back in my drawer because I was to afraid of leaving my friends, my family, my pets, my dreams, and of death, pain, so I would put the knife back only for it to come back into my thoughts the next day. I would have unexplainable leg pains, sometimes I could barely stand (I talked about this in a past chapter), I would eat tiny tiny lunches and drink very little water. I was always, always tired, no matter how much I slept, my art was going down hill, I listened to very depressing music, and overall I felt as good as dead. Surprisingly, the thing that brought me out of this state the most was the death of my great uncle, one of my most loved family members who I'd seen about 6 months before. The reason this made me feel better in a way was because I had, the night he died, dreamed of him in a magnificent valley of flowers and bright white statues and happy children running around and singing. I truly hope he is with God, and Mary, the saints, all the people in heaven. 

Besides that, getting enough well needed vitamins and becoming a furry, along with talking constantly with my furry friends brought me out of the ditch of depression and I can't thank them enough.

Now I'm full of hope and thankfulness, and I've made one of the best decisions of my life by leaving the school that brought me so much trouble in the past and moving on to a home school program that will hopefully squash stress and educate me better than I've ever before. 

But, I have a couple messages before I go

I truly, truly believe that God will help you if you ask, he's always there and always will be. Know he loves you, and you will enter his kingdom when it's your time.

Spoon, thank you so so much for being there for me after all I've gotten you into, above almost everything you saved me. I wouldn't be here with out you.

Thank you all for listening, Goodday and Goodbye,

never give up on hope, I'm always there for you.