No One Cries For The Lost

XVIII: The Final Walk

XVIII

The

Final Walk

Day 1

My second check-up and medical exam, which is really a psychological just disguised as a physical, reveals that I've lost about 20 lbs over the course of my eight-month excursion in the wilderness. Of course, I gained 10 lbs in muscle so I must've been doing something right. My father and my sister insist on accompanying me, despite the fact that I've gotten more or less used to doing things alone prior to my time spent MIA. Of course, Marvin also has to be there as well, as per the rules of the Flight Board.

I find it difficult to find things to say to either my dad or Trish. Even if Marvin weren't present, it wouldn't really make anything much better. My dad leaves to go get something to eat while we're waiting for the Doctor to come back and it's even more awkward to sit in silence with just my sister. I'd usually say my older sister, but I guess there's no need to specify anymore. Not now with Nat gone.

"Hey you remember that time when Alex broke his leg skiing the Hill near Fraser and we all had to stop and go to the hospital with him?" Trish asks, reminiscing.

"Yeah," I chuckle, "we were there for like eight hours in the waiting room alone. Ruined the whole fucking day."

"That klutzy little bastard." Trish laughed, "mom was pissed."

"Yeah, she was."

My smile slowly fades as I look away and resume staring back at the grey wall and getting angry at the painfully accurate reflection it keeps casting of me.

"You know I'm glad you're back." Trish looks down and looks like she's struggling to even find the words as she says it. "I was worried when I heard what happened but...I'm glad you're back, Nea."

"Me too." I finally tell her after trying to find my own words amidst the ubiquitous silence.

"I don't blame you...for what happened. No one does. All of it. I struggled, for a long time, trying to find my way, trying to find where to go, who to blame, whose fault it was. I spent a long time...lost. Just so completely...lost. Unsalvageable. But I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not broken anymore. Not lost anymore. We can come back, Neona. We can. We're not too far gone. We're never too far gone."

I stare back into Trish's bright brown eyes and listen to what she's telling me. What the world itself, is telling me. And consider my options for accepting redemption. Considering if I really deserve it. Deserve redemption, after a lifetime spent being stupid or just plain ignorant and continuing to make the same mistakes at the detriment of others and corrupting all those around me that I saw in my vicinity. I consider if I even want redemption. Whether I really want to stay and remain in this dark, grim fucking hell of Earth and keep trying. Whether I want to be Human and to connect with others again. Whether I want to feel again. I consider whether it seems like something that's even possible for someone like me.

And I don't quite know the answer.

"Miss Taft." He walks over just behind my father and takes a seat beside my gurney, adjusting his blazer and tie at the same time in an ensemble that just screams to me 'Federal Agent'. "Miss Taft my name is Special Agent Jensyn with the Northern Investigation Bureau," my assumptions are proven instantly correct, god damn my intuition. "Miss Taft, I know this must be a very difficult time for you, readjusting and all and I'm very sorry to have to intrude like this but, the NIB has tasked me with collecting your account of what exactly happened and getting some questions answered just for a bit of an off-the-record deposition before the hearing."