Beginning of the End

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*I'll put another trigger warning in here just in case, this is the section that is quite graphic.*

2am. I lay there on the bed, crying to the point where I can no longer see clearly. The house is eerily quiet and so I'm being so so careful not to wake the two couples in the neighbouring rooms. I am struggling a lot, in fact I'm in the darkest place I've ever been in but I'd hate to burden anyone with all my issues. Gradually, my thoughts intensify to the point where I am convinced that now is my time to go. I feel selfish, especially when I have four people staying with me to try and keep me safe but I just want this pain to stop. I feel so invisible and like I'm in some horrible recurring nightmare, I just want to recover but can't. The music coming from my earphones intensifies as I reach for the blade and then press it against my skin, followed by the ripping of my skin. I am surprisingly calm as my both of my arms begin to throb, causing blood to be pumped out of my body and trickle down onto the bedsheet. As the sheet fills with the crimson liquid, I realise just how scared I am and begin to breathe very heavily in panic - trying to keep the sound of me crying as inaudible as possible. I finally turn the music off and start saying my goodbyes and 'I love you' to the people who have actually tried to support me through everything, then close my eyes - part of me hoping I pass but the other part of me wanting to wrestle on until morning light.

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