I am Caroline (COMPLETED)

C11

CASSANDRA

"Sh*t ka!!!!! Hmmmmm sob* sob*!!! Player!!! Kala ko lalaki lng ang player pero babae din pala!!! Hmmmmmm!!!! I dont want to see your face!!!!"

Sigaw ko kay Caroline! F*ck!!! So she just really playing with me! Hmmmmm ano ba Andy!!!! Bakit ka ba umiiyak!!!?? Youre not the old Cassy the crying baby anymore!!'

Hmmmmmm sob* sob*..., i really hate her! For the first time again! Sya ang kauna unahang nag paramdam sakin ng matinding rejection!!!!

Maybe im still straight!!! And i will forever be!!! Maybe nadala lang ako ng presence nya!!! And the way she.....she....hmmmmmmm sob*sob*.... but why? Everytime i look at her eyes even the first time i saw her eyes looking straight at me i can feel her heart for me!!! Am i just assuming??? Pero bakit!!??? Bakit nya yun ginawa????? Hmmmmm sob*sob*

I cried my heart out, sometimes pag umiiyak ako ng ganito naalala ko nanaman sya, kung nandito lang sana sya, he wont let anyone making me cry and sad, hmmmm, bakit ba ko laging nirereject at iniiwan?? Hmmmmmm.... i was rejected by my mom, i was left by my hero, now i am rejected  by her!!!!! Hmmmmmm sob*...

I remember that time, i was 12 years old...

"Mommy Wait!!!! Mommy I wanna go with you!!!!! Hmmmmmmm sob* sob* bring me with you mommy!! Please!!!! Hmmmmmm sob*sob*" i begged my mom na isama nya ko, pero hindi nya ko pinapansin, never nyang hinawakan ang kamay ko...

And when i heard my dad talking to her sa labas..

"We will fix everything Mellisa!! Gagawan ko ng paraan! You dont need to go!!! " --Dad

"No! There is a lot of things that i need to finish there and mas mabuti na to! I need to buy time para malimot lahat! " --Mom

"Iiwan mo na lang si Cassy? She will be very lonely and sad pag ginawa mo yun!!" --Dad

"I have no choice!!! And besides! Alam na alam mong wala sa plano kong magkaanak!!!! It wasnt even our plan!!!!!!" --Mom

The time i heard that,  gumuho ang mundo ko, hmmmmmm sob*...yung nag iisang taong inaakala kong mahal ako doesnt even want me to be born! Hmmmmm.... pero kahit ganun, tinanggap ko yun! And nag makaawa pa din ako kay Mom pero..

"How many times i told you that you cant be with me!!! Bumitaw ka nga!!! Listen kid! Im not capable to be a mom! Do you understand!!?? You should be thankful i even  let you see the world dahil kung akong masusunod, im already scheduled for an abortion!!!"

Sabi ni mom, and at that moment, doon ko lang narealize that my mom is a monster! Hmmmmmm sob*, i promised to myself na wala akong ibang kamumuhian kundi sya lang!!! Hmmmmm i hate her!!!!!

Hmmmmmm sob*sob* hmmmmmmm..... until now puno pa din ako ng galit sakanya! I will never forgive her!

Halos hindi ako makakilos sa kinauupuan ko sa sahig while my head is lying on the bed, nakatulala lang ako sa corner ng headboard ng kama ko.

Im still the pathetic Cassy, maybe i have never been change after all...

My hero, he was the one who named me Andy instead of Cassy, lagi akong inaasar noon na Cassy the crying baby... kaya nang ipagtanggol nya ko sa mga nambubully sakin he change my name into Andy.

Mula noon, i used Andy na and hindi Cassy, pero why?? Why i cant still erase Cassy in me...? Bakit talunan pa din ako hangang ngayon?? Hmmmmm...

Sa sobrang iyak ko, halos humapdi na ang mata ko, ilang beses nang kumakatok sila manang for dinner pero ayokong lumabas, hindi pa ko kinakatok ni Dad maybe andyan pa din ang mga kumpadre nya.