Hurting

Chapter 6

Monday at school was awkward.

I felt llike an idiot for not kissing Jordon, so I didn't want to text him and him reject me. I was too used to rejection. I waited all day Sunday, hoping he would text, but he didn't. I guess I'd blown my chance.

I walked to school on on Monday morning, and just as I was getting to school, I saw Jordon's car pull up just as little way up the drive. By the time I'd gotten there, Jordon was clambering out of his car.

"Hey! Laura! We need to talk. You know about the weekend."

"Umm, Sure ok. Can we go somewhere a little more, uh, private?" I was a little nervous. I mean, He thought I was a fridge, he had to. He led me up the drive, and  when we got to the main doors to the school, He pulled me into the little alcove next to them.

"I didn't mean to turn you down on Saturday. When you tried to kiss me, I mean. I just, well, I don't know. I just whimped out. I've never, you know, Kissed anyone before. I'm sorry." The words came out before I could stop myself, and now I looked desperate. Great.

"You didn't turn me off. I really, really like you Laura. If you wanna go slow, then we can go slow. I want you Laura, more than I've ever wanted anything before."

I don't know what it was that flared up inside me. Maybe it was guilt, because I'd pussied out on Saturday, or maybe it was something else. Maybe it was because he liked me back. 

I stood on my tiptoes, flung my arms around his neck, and kissed him. 

People always say that your first kiss is the best, and that you can feel fireworks. Personally, I found it quite disgusting, the fact that I had someone elses toungue in my mouth. Ew. But I pretended I had liked it, because I knew that if I told him, I would hurt his feelings.

We pulled away for air at the same time, gazing into eachothers eyes. I brought my arms down, and he picked up one of my hands, and held it. I pulled away.

People tend to run when they see my scars. They think I'm some kind of psycho.  I hoped Jordon wouldn't be the same, but I couldn't take that risk. Not yet.

Jordon looked at me, hurt rushing into his eyes. I'd hurt him when I pulled away.

"I'm sorry. I just have this, er, thing about people touching my, umm, hands..." I trailed off. I could see he wasn't buying it.

"What are you hiding from me? We're basically going out now, and you're my only friend. You can trust me. With anything."

I'd never told anybody about self harming. Not Janet, not even my mother. This was a big step for me.

"Okay, but it's going to take a hell of a lot of explaining. Can we grab a coffee or something after school? I don't want anyone overhearing." I was shocked at myself. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't! What if he was just going to leave after I told him? I'd be a loner again, like I was when the kids in England had found out.

"Okay, fine. And I'll tell you something about me."

What? He wasn't supposed to hide things from me.

Wait. Aren't I hiding things from him?

I'm such a hypocrit.